If you don't know your bio parent...

[rageymcrageface]

And have no way of finding them, how do you cope?

I don't know who my real dad is, and have done a little digging, but don't think I'll find him. Even though I suspect he still lives here and I could be walking past him and half brothers/sisters in the street.

Sometimes it barely crosses my mind. Then days like today - a name pops up in my "people you may know" on FB and I suddenly think "that could be him!". Crazy, I know. But it will probably play on my mind for a few days now.

If you've been in the same situation, how did you finally get past it?

Thanks.

Wee bump...

Hi Ragey

I’m not in the same position (I know who my biological father is but have little contact) but I’ve discussed my feelings in counselling sessions. Would it be an option to talk to a professional?

I hope someone comes along with some direct experience as it’s always nice to speak to someone who’s been in the same situation.

Do you have a name but can’t find him or do you not know who he is at all?

I was given up for adoption and traced my bio mum with help from my dh. She didn't want to know me and got her sister to ring me and complain I had tried to find her. She said that it would upset her two other children if they found out.

Forward a few years and I trace my bio sister. She had not spoken to my mother for thirty years so it would seem odd to be told she would be upset about me. But, she isn't really interested in pursuing any form of relationship with me at all. She is in her fifties, never had any children herself, but is a stepmum. She wont tell her father about me because she seems scared he is also my bio father and it might "upset him".

I have decided to let things go. I had a nice adopted family and my adopted grandmother and aunts always treated me completely as their own. They were kind and funny and I have happy childhood memories of such happy times.

The said truth is that people are adopted out for a reason and they drew the short straw, not me.

My dh says I should feature on When Long Lost Families Go Wrong. There must be a good few of us!

I was adopted and found my birth mother in 2000. We now have a lovely relationship but my birth father disappeared as soon as she told him she was pregnant and I've never felt the need to trace him.

I never knew my biological dad and there is a huge question mark over who is my biological mum. I am in my 50s now and it has plagued me all my adult life. I console myself with knowing I am a good person and have done so against the odds. There are also worse situations to deal with.
I agree it is hard though.

Sorry OP I don't have this experience myself but just wanted to show some support. My DS is adopted. He is only a toddler but when he's old enough, he will likely want to meet his birth parents. Sadly his BM does not know who his BF is so he will never know, and I'm already heartbroken for him, knowing how important it is for people to know where they came from.

My son's father has never met him and I know many successful children who have never met their fathers. I have asked them all about their feelings, there is hurt but I suppose because they have all done rather well for themselves they now don't want to know. The only friend I know who wants to meet her absent father and tries and traces him seems to suffer from depression, she also makes poor life choices and suffers the consequences of not thinking through. I would like her to meet her father as she seems to need closure or validation. I don't know how my son will feel in years to come but I hope he has the drive to do well, like his does at the moment. Abandoning a child is a dreadful thing to do but having these incompetent losers involved with your life/child abandonment is preferable.

I am adopted and traced my biological mother,but will never know who is and sometimes that's freaks the hell out of me .

I know exactly who my birth parents are but never lived with my father at all and not with my mother past two. I didn't get adopted, didn't get replacement parents. Feel I belong nowhere.

I don't have a name, no. And I don't think counselling would help, really. And I'd end up bogged down in the rest of my childhood.

I don't expect to build some kind of amazing relationship. I just want a face and name and bit of background.

And yes, sometimes I feel like I don't belong to anyone. Which is a disgraceful thing to say as I've been shown so much love by people who could have just washed their hands of me. But i suppose I know deep down that it's not unconditional love.

I'm not in your situation...but watched an episode of secrets in my family, where a man was desperate to find his bio dad and did so by submitting a DNA sample to this online site.

Actually I say he found his dad...his dad had tragically died in a fire...but he was able to establish who his dad was through finding 2 half siblings in America.

I have no relationship with my bio dad but I do know who he is and where to find him if I ever wanted contact. I have to say whilst it’s important to have a face to a name, or even just a name in your case, knowing more doesn’t necessarily make you feel any better and in someways it makes it worse because then the person is real and a human being so I havr found it can feel more confusing. I never thought counselling would help me but it honestly has once you find the right one.