Hi everyone. I came here to this forum to vent a little bit and maybe get some insight from people who have been through something similar. Since English is not my first language there may be some errors in the text, so forgive me. Ok, here goes.
I have been together with my boyfriend for 4 years now. When we met things started to develop quite quickly, he moved to my city after 3 months just to be with me and start a future together. Just a side note - it is normal in my country for young people who are not married yet to move in together.
Since he had to change cities he had to change his job also. But he hated it. He kept it for 2 years, moved on to another and hated it there also. He started to tell me how stupid his coworkers are and nobody cares how much effort he is putting into his assignments, he started to have anger outbursts while in traffic (getting angry and telling me how nobody knows how to properly drive a car) etc. This started as a rare things but gradually over time got more frequent. Also he told me he doesn't feel like himself and he doesn't understand what is going on with him.
Now obviously this was a cry for help and most likely he was already suffering from depression. I tried to support him and let him know if the job is causing this he can always quit and we'll manage, but I guess I didn't take it as seriously as I should've taken it. You see, at the same time he was very loving towards me and assured that he loves me and me and this relationship is the best thing in his life. So I figured all is well and his angry outbursts will soon pass. I just kind of brushed it off. Had I looked into depression more at the time, and its symptoms, I surely would've acted differently and tried to be more supportive.
We still had arguments over bigger and less meaningful things but I guess everybody argues. I think this also gradually took a toll on him.
So, fast forward to this spring. Last year we decided to start trying for a baby and we were head over heels of the idea of starting a family together. When I got pregnant in February, he was so happy and so supportive and genuinely excited. In May we had a minor argument over money issues but it deformed into a huge fight and as a result he told me he is not sure he loves me anymore. He said it has gradually happened over 1 or 2 years. I was like struck by lightning and I felt like my whole world had collapsed. He said we should see what time brings. We weren't unhappy!
The thing I don't get is that if he says this happened gradually why did he want a baby with me?
So for the past 3 months I have done a complete 180 in my behavior. I have been trying to show him I appreciate him and respect him in everything he does, while I feel he has pushed me away. Mind you, this happened while I was 5 months pregnant (now I am 8 months) but I still managed to set aside all of my wants and needs just to show him support. I didn't give him a hard time when he didn't acknowledge our 4 year anniversary or my birthday (just a "Happy birthday, sorry I didn't give you anything"), when he has left me alone and chosen to drink and smoke pot with his friends. Yeah I understand guy-time is important for guys but does it have to be 3 days of not returning home while you have a pregnant girlfriend at home? Still I have managed to accept everything, swallowed the bitter pills and we have not had a fight since then. But putting on a brave face has taken a real toll on me because I feel I don't have any support while carrying this new life inside me and I feel so alone and I feel like my mental health is starting to suffer.
Well anyway. We have talked meanwhile and I have suggested that it might be depression or anhedonia. He doesn't feel like he has depression (because he has had it when he was a kid and is sure he would recognise it) it is just he can't find his loving feelings for me. It's like living with a zombie. He is terribly apathetic, rarely smiles, constantly sits in his phone, has angry outbursts (still), doesn't really want to do anything together, etc. Although now he has a new job which makes him happy so I guess the cause for depression is removed?
I also asked why this thing exploded like this in spring. He answered that he suddenly realised that he is going to be a father and that made him think he is making a life long commitment to somebody who he is not sure about.
I just don't believe that he has fallen out of love. I just don't believe it. We just moved apartments to have more space when the baby comes and he said maybe things will get better there. He has an appointment with a therapist tomorrow so I am hoping this will bring some clarity into our life. He is not opposed to antidepressants either, should he need them. He still says he wants everything to work out and he cares for me deeply but he has lost hope because he is afraid that this is an irreversible thing.
So I guess my question is, have any of you been through something similar? Could it still be depression manifesting itself like this? Could it be fear of becoming a father? Could it be everything mixed together? All insight or advice is welcome :)