Should I text my friend? Really bad anxiety.

[Holidayfromreal]

Hi sorry if this is a ramble I just need some help working this out please.

Long story short I don't have any friends and I am trying to fix that. I used to have friends but due to my mental health,2 abusive relationships and the death of my remaining friend in March I don't really have any anymore.

I suffer terrible anxiety particularly wrt what people think about me and again I'm trying to fix this (done CBT recently it's just for me to keep and reinforcing the behaviours I've learnt now)

My best friend from childhood and I drifted apart due to reasons above when we were 19/20 but we never fell out it just dwindled down to once or twice a year catch ups. I'm now 27.

It was her birthday Wednesday so I text her happy birthday she replied and we had a short (6 or 7 texts) conversation, the whole thing felt very one sided to me but I persevered a bit (like i said before i am trying to make more friends again) so I said we must catch up and get lunch or something and she said she was going for a pub crawl saturday if I fancied it.

I said id go, one thing I've always read wrt to trying to make friends in adulthood and overcome anxiety is to never turn down an invite but I'm a single mum to an 18 month old so on a very tight budget and only my mum to babysit who lives 65 miles away so it costs me £20 round trip in petrol to drop DD off and pick her up, then the town to the pub crawl and where I live is another £20 in taxis each way so I would have to spend £60 before I'd even set off.

So when I said I'd go I said I could meet her about 4pm but I would have drive due to above reasons and she never replied. So now I'm having some form an internal dilemma which is making my anxiety terrible. I dropped DD off at mum's and came home and now I'm sat here half of me thinking I should text her and half of me thinking she clearly doesn't want me there so why go make a fool of myself, especially seen as I won't know anyone else. Then I feel guilty for mum having DD for no reason and a million other thoughts and I just don't know what to do.

Sorry that this is really long and sounds like a problem a 14 yr old should be having but please be nice.

Why don’t you just go and see how it works out. You might enjoy it - but if you’re not having a great time after a few hours you’ve got the car so will be easy for you to leave. Hope it goes ok.

I'd text - hey, are we still on for today? Looking forward to catching up x

Just go. But be aware they will be on the piss. If you can be sober and join in, go. Have a laugh. You've nothing to lose.

Absolutely text her, something casual like - Hey! Hope you're having a great weekend so far, we still on for today? Looking forward to seeing you!

Yes, just go and see what happens, be open and enjoy meeting the other people too. You have a lot to offer!
and I think you made the right decision to take the car.

I hope you have gone & had a lovely time!

You’re braver than me - I find groups where I only know one person hard, I would have started with a one on one coffee

Honestly? A pub crawl where you only know one person, are anxious, are not drinking and where you're not sure they want you there sounds like hell / a bad idea. Sorry.

She wouldn't have told you about the pub crawl if she didn't want you there. Maybe meet for a shopping trip one day instead. I personally wouldn't go on a pub crawl, sober and knowing only one person. Does your mum ever come over to yours to babysit?

Thankyou everyone for replying. I text her and I went. Only stayed for 2 hours but it was good and friend did want me there and she was only with two people so 2 hours was enough but it was a good start and I'm pleased with myself for going. Wouldn't of gone without a kick up the are so thank you all very much.

Oh good!! Well done!

That’s great

So pleased to see it went well. Good on you!

Good. I was hoping you'd manage to meet up and that it would turn out well. And I am a random bloke off the internet.

Brilliant! Well done! I know how horrific anxiety can be. You should be really really proud of yourself.

Hopefully you and her can meet up again soon. Maybe just the two of you catching up over lunch or something. But for now, don’t worry too much about that and give yourself a big pat on the back for going

That's awesome, well done you!
Anxiety & paranoia has ruined many a night out for me. Well done for not letting it overcome you. I'm sure that your friend was really glad that you came out! Now bask in the glow of your awesomeness!

That's great, must have pushed you out of your comfort zone considerably! Hope this gives you a confidence boost x

Well done you!!

You grabbed the bull by the horns which I can't imagine was easy and you should be incredibly proud of yourself x

Nice one, OP. You've done really well. Get something else organised and keep the momentum going.

Look at you, sticking your fingers up at your anxiety.

Good on you! And good on you for texting her! I've often been caught in the 'but why didn't he/she text back?' trap & ultimately only I got hurt. It's so much better to go for it & see people in real life.

Well done OP!

That's great OP, well done and sounds like it was the ideal sort of night to get started with.

Little steps in the right direction have you set up another meet up? I'd just keep it low key like a coffee at one or others house.

well done. Im glad you had fun. I think just getting out of your comfort zone, but not commiting for a long time is great. I get social anxiety and I never push myself to stay out late. I go home when I feel done.