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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

reported the piece of scum

46 replies

looondonn · 15/09/2018 16:35

drove to the police station multiple times over the past 4-5 months
chickened out
felt bad for him
felt maybe I did bring some of it on myself

the other night - he got an unexpected opportunity to shout at me
my reaction - I wee'd myself - not very nice
so - next day went to the police station
two very lovely female officers took my statement
was petrified but it had to be done
and for the first time ever - i told someone that he had raped me multiple times

who knows what will happen to him
he tried to kill his ex wife and got a caution
this time?
who knows - bit of a telling off? community service?

I will keep you all updated
some amazing people on here helped me in my darkest hour

Im in a dark place now but I know what i did was necessary or I would never be able to forgive myself for brushing it under the carpet

thinking of all those who are too afraid to speak up - please do
it took me 21 months but I did it and so can you

OP posts:
Ravenclawclassof84 · 15/09/2018 20:39

Well done lass. I remember your previous posts and it was clear you wanted to get away but were frightened. Look how far you've come and how well you've done. You're very brave. Keep going xxx

notapizzaeater · 15/09/2018 20:49

Have you got some rl support. You have done the right thing

Belina · 15/09/2018 20:59

I hope it does go to court
Well done keep us updated and keep your spirits bright you will get through this Flowers

looondonn · 15/09/2018 21:10

Will keep you updated

So far I'm not impressed with the justice system

Who knows

I will be fine
I am safe and free
With good people

Most of them do not know as I am totally mortified this has happened and I fell for such a bad dangerous man

OP posts:
Ravenclawclassof84 · 15/09/2018 21:29

Don't blame yourself for falling for a bad and dangerous man. You are certainly not alone, many bad people present as charming and lovely and are good at conning people. Nothing of what happened to you is your fault. Dont feel bad, the shame is not yours to carry xx

MrsMozart · 16/09/2018 08:24

As RavenClaw says, don't feel bad for falling for him. So many are charm personified on the surface. Stay strong and stay safe lass.

looondonn · 16/09/2018 21:26

Thanks lovely ladies

I will be just fine with time

Washed my hands off him
No longer my problem

OP posts:
WhateverHappenedToTheHeatwave · 16/09/2018 22:16

You are safe. That is important. You have been so strong.

BackWhenIWas4 · 16/09/2018 22:55

That was an incredibly brave and strong thing to do. Well done. And best wishes for the future.

Lolapusht · 16/09/2018 23:00

Well done OP. You are very strong, brave and courageous. You will be free of him. You have nothing to be embarrassed about. Everything that he did was his fault. He is to blame and he should be the one to be embarrassed, but I doubt he will. Be fierce and love that baby Flowers

ICESTAR · 19/09/2018 10:15

Is there any chance you could use your threads on here as evidence? Bit like when people are told to document every time something happens? Total kudos to you. An amazing brave lady.

looondonn · 21/09/2018 20:40

update - reported him from another country as I had to move due to his actions

police force in my home country FAB

they sent everything to the police in the city in which it took place - 8 days later - not a word

to say I am upset is an understatement

a very lovely member of police force here rang me up to check on progress - told her i have heard nothing

I am going in to hiding
fck this
absolute joke - they have done nothing with the info that was sent to them
not one thing

OP posts:
Toptheginup · 21/09/2018 20:46

That is so scary that Nothing has been done yet, that's why I never reported my abuser, not worth it, would have gettn a slap on the wrist and a fine.
Well done though, and stay strong. X

looondonn · 21/09/2018 20:50

This is just horrendous

They walk off Scot free
His colleagues think he is the finest gentleman on the planet

High profile job
Thinks he is the greatest

My work mate rang around the other day to see if any uk police force were now involved
2 hours on the phone
So it was sent
No one has done anything with it

OP posts:
Toptheginup · 21/09/2018 21:01

Well they are good at pulling the wool over people's eyes.
I could destroy his self made god like image with evidence if I wanted to, its only a button click away, but I am better than that and I have moved on.
He will be his own undoing eventually, if not there's always the guaranteed reality of a sad and lonely old age awaiting him.

Honestly you are so brave though, and although it is taking time, I'm keeping fingers crossed that you get some justice

Flowers
looondonn · 21/09/2018 21:05

Very very true

Strangely I had that thought earlier and felt so peaceful suddenly

Sounds strange but I think of his beautiful ex wife and the amount of bad things he did to her
How did I think he would change
25 times I attempted to break free but just couldn't

Anyway - he lost some great people

I have my good people here for me now
Not many
But they are amazing

OP posts:
WellThisIsShit · 21/09/2018 21:07

That is terrifying and also depressingly expected at the same time. The failure of the police to help a woman in desperate need. Shock. Fuck I wish I wasn’t so cynical.

I’m really proud of you though. You’re amazing. You’re out! You’re away from him and he’s never going to be able to get into your head like he did ever again. He’s scary as hell, yes. But one day you will see him as a tiny little man raging in tiny teeny toddler like rage doing nothing except pulling at his willy and making himself look like a cock.

But right now he is dangerous and do you think the police in your country will help make you safer? I’m so sorry this is happening. But you are doing this right. Sadly, the only way to get to the freedom at the other side of this hell is to go through this awfulness now, to get to the other side Flowers

Btw, want to hear something really stupid? In a sick kind of way! At least you recognise what he’s doing to you. It took me a while (12 months ish), and a lot of mumsnetters for me to click I was being abused, a few years ago now. You know, the whole lot, emotionally, socially, financially, physically etc. It escalated and because of that, and me talking about it on here, I feared for DS and that gave me the push to go. And we’re ok now. But it was only 2-3 YEARS after we got out that I realised what he did to me for all those years before was rape. And I had to check on here just to make sure! And apparently it was, badly, repeatedly, awfully. For years. And I didn’t realise. Somehow?!?!

So, at least, you’re waaaaay ahead of the game here! You can name it. Which I think is bloody brilliant because I couldn’t see the nose on the end of my face as it were.

And you talked about it. I think that means you’re that much closer to healing.

And THAT is why I’m bloody proud of you and I’ve gone to the loo to cry now, because I’m all emotional.

Not in one of those silly mumsnet phrases thingies ‘ooh I’m crying’. Nope, real drippy ones sat on my loo hiding from my son (sorry bad image for you there!).

I’m crying because I don’t know your story except what you’ve written on here. But it’s clear it took huge courage to do what you’ve done. And you’ve endured huge suffering. And now you might have to go through some more because the law is shit and other people can be shit and maybe he will be very shit. But you are nearer than you’ve been ever since this started to freedom and happiness and love ... and just being able to be you again. NOTHING beats the feeling of living without fear. It’s bloody amazing. And you’re close xxxxxxx

looondonn · 21/09/2018 21:14

Thank you

Thank you

This has me welling up

Yes - true words
Finally I am free

I am protected here

He is a silly little boy

Sensible women will see that a mile away

His family hate him and ignore him (whatever he did long time ago they never forgave him)

All the great people on here helped so much

I must say - one v important threat was taken down in a very dark time for me
Some on here thought I was making it all up

Anyway - I wasn't
And my god I am a survivor

So many strong great people in this world
That keeps me going

OP posts:
looondonn · 21/09/2018 21:16

*thread

OP posts:
WellThisIsShit · 23/09/2018 00:21
Flowers
Jux · 23/09/2018 13:47

Looondonn, good on you, well done. What you've done is admirable and courageous and amazing. Star

I think I know the thread that was taken down (shocking - both your posts about what you were living with, and the way some MNers behaved and that MNHQ took it down), and I'm so glad you're out and safe.

I think it'll be a bit of a roller coaster emotionally for you for a while, but it will end and you WILL be OK. Hang on tight, grit your teeth and look forward. You have done nothing wrong, nothing to be ashamed of.

IT'S HIM NOT YOU. Remember that and hold on to it; when you doubt yourself remind yourself IT'S HIM NOT YOU.

Be proud you've got out, we are.

You are strong.
You are amazing.
You are wonderful.

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