This might be long so sorry in advance.
Been with my DH 8 years. We have lots in common, have fun together, spend lots of time together. The love is still there.
We've both gained weight over the years, me around 4 stone (him around 2)- and I wasn't skinny to start with (neither was he).
From the get go he's always had issues with sexual performance. It took us a good 3-4 months to have sex as he has trouble maintaining erections. We have it down now; one position only, very little foreplay, got to make use of the morning wood. This is the only way we can manage to have sex. It lasts 2-3 minutes. I can accept this. I'd rather not, I have asked him to see a GP, but he hasn't and I won't push it again. I can live with this. He isn't selfish and will make sure I get my time afterwards so fine.
But in the last 9 months or so the frequency has massively declined. I think we've had sex twice in the last two months. Again I could probably just about live with this as I love him ... Except other forms of intimacy have dropped off as well (massages, cuddles, random kisses around the house, date nights) to near non existence. He'll still kiss me goodnight and respond if I initiate a hug etc. But not starting it himself anymore.
I do know that he watches porn (although not with me, nor when I'm home. I found out purely by coincidence as he accidentally left it open once and I saw it when I got home - and yes it was an accident, web browser hadnt closed properly and did the "reopen last page" thing)
I also know he's not having an affair. I know this 110% for various reasons.
All of the above leads me to believe the only possible conclusion is that he no longer finds me attractive. I must admit my own self confidence is struggling due to weight gain .... I am taking measures and have lost a stone already.
In my head, I am thinking that I'll be patient and wait until I've lost the weight and I'm comfortable with myself again and see if this cycle of behaviour continues at that point .... If it doesn't then great. If it does .. I think we have a problem.
I am only 30years old. Everything else about our lives is great. Would I be utterly unreasonable, if once I have lost the weight he still isn't showing me the level of physical intimacy I need and is still refusing to see a doctor, to end our marriage?
I can't live the rest of my life having my self confidence battered by having a husband that doesn't want me sexually, that has no passion for me. It makes my mood spiral and affects my outlook on everything else as well as once I feel down it tailspins into a fun on bad mood regarding everything else i.e friends, work.