Secretly planning to leave DP

[ELA13]

My plan is to leave my DP.
He’s lazy, and tbh I simply don’t want to be with him anymore... only issue is I have no where to go, no money and about to give birth (plus a 4 year old)
I don’t want him to know I’m leaving. Awful of me I know but I need to be selfish in order to leave.
Council can’t help me because I’m not homeless... someone mentioned ringing womens aid but they would apparently place me in a refuge anywhere in the UK, plus these no domestic abuse so I wouldn’t want to take a room from a family that need to escape for safety.
Any advice please? I’m looking at going back to work straight after giving birth so I can start saving in order to move out (need a bond, first months rent, and a few furniture items)
I’m really unhappy. 👎🏼

I’ve told him if he’s feeling low I’ll support him, attend any GP appointments with him but still nothing. 🤷🏼‍♀️ He applied for a managers job, got the job and then never turned up to the job. He’s never told me why he lost his previous job. I’ve tried explaining to him he isn’t going to get a job if he isn’t apply for jobs but what more can I do or say ☹️ He got sanctioned by the job centre because he didn’t turn up to his appointments. X

If the birth is close then I would suggest you wait until afterwards.

Don't rush this as you may regret it. What is his reaction when you ask him to chores?

If its part ownership there is unlikely to be equity given the short time frame and that means you are liable as joint owner.

Both of you are so young and perhaps have rushed things..so now is not the time to take poorly thought through actions.

Just do what you can to enjoy your children. Speak to his mother and mention you are concerned about him.

Does he game til late? Do drugs?

He sounds as if he's suffering from severe depression and needs medical help. I think you need to talk to his mum asap.

Ofcourse he is going to stay in bed ,if someone else is going to do everything for him and pay his bills..you need to put the house up for sale to end things with him..you can't just leave if you are on the mortgage.you still have to pay it.

Op.

If you gave up on life and took to your bed because you couldnt cope would you want your partner to support you or leave ??

He sounds very ill to me. If I were you id make an appointment at the doctors for yourself, let them know what's going on and arrange a home visit. No need to tell your partner.

You need to let his family know what's going on. Not because you think he's lazy. But because he's ill.

The reason incidents of male suicide are so high is because of this circle of not talking and the reluctance to get help. He can't do this right now, you need to do it for him.

He got sanctioned by the job centre? So he's claiming? In which case don't they pay the mortgage interest? Not sure why the mortgage needed to be paid by his grandad

Op can I just ask.... does he have Xbox/PS4 in his life?

We don’t own an Xbox/PS4. He’s out most evenings, he does a lot of shooting (hunting background) he goes up to the farms and shoots with his mates. He’s heavily involved in the young farmers group so spends time with them.

Well that sounds positive then. Something to work with as at least he is up!

I'd be a bit worried OP that if went straight back to work with him looking after the baby and doing the wrap-around care for your 4 year old, you might not get the sort of custody arrangement you would like...

He would essentially be the children's primary carer, would he not?

He doesn't sound depressed, he sounds lazy. Op is pregnant and looking after a four year old. She can't do everything.

I think you need to get hold of paperwork op, figure out the financial situation with the house and see if you can get some legal advice.

OP, planning to leave without telling him is seriously stupid and will put you both in a bad place credit wise. You’re both on the mortgage. You can’t afford it now. Move out where you’re paying rent and you’re stuck with rent and a mortgage in your name. You’re going to give both of you a really bad credit rating which is incredibly selfish.

If you can’t stay, tell him so he has the option to get the house on the market.

How can you not know anything about the mortgage!?? You need to look into this NOW. Is your name on it?

I've asked this a number of times but you've not answered....it's a key to sorting yourself out OP.

Ajas, she has responded to that question, her name is on the mortgage.

Tucking yes but she doesn't know if there's any equity. She says so.