Do you think this could work or are we too different?

[Greenleafes]

Me and DP have been together just shy of 3 year's. No DC.
I've changed a lot in that time. I gave up drinking completely, turned vegan and just generally live a quiet life. He's still the same but gotten worse.

He goes out drinking every weekend (last night being one of them) sometimes twice in the same weekend. He falls in the door at 1,2 in the morning, kebab in hand slamming doors and reeking the house out of oily fatty food. I've woken up this morning and the door handles, TV remote, light switches are full of fatty oil from his hands 😷. He woke me up (again) when he got in just being quite loud.

I live an active lifestyle, I eat well, exercise a lot (I've lost 5 stone in 3 year's) and he's put on nearly 4 stone since we've been together. He has really let himself go, he doesn't exercise, doesn't watch what he eats and doesn't really care about his appearance. I'm not going to lie I'm quite turned off at how he doesn't care about himself.

I'm struggling to even become attracted to him now (it pains me to say this), I cook him and myself a healthy vegan meal every night (he loves them), he's asked for my help in the past with regards to diet and exercise and I've tried my best, after a while he tells me to leave him alone so he can stuff his face, I've given up with this now.

What would you do?

I'd split up. I'm not a drinker but I couldn't live with your relentless self improvement. Nothing wrong with it: I'm sure it's admirable. But your lifestyles seem fundamentally incompatible.

Oh no. I couldn’t stay. No way.

I should add he’s the issue, not you.

It looks like this relationship has run its course. Simple as that. You aren't compatible any more. Nothing wrong with that. Time to move on and find someone who shares the same ideals you do.

Congratulations on your weight loss and overall change in lifestyle.

Agree, you’re incompatible.

You’ve changed your lifestyle, he hasn’t - and nor should he if that’s not what he wants. Correct me if I’m wrong, but you do sound as though you view yourself and your lifestyle as superior to his. Since that’s the case, you’re best off parting ways.

I’m also pretty healthy as is my DP, but I don’t force my standard or way of life on others. He’s clearly happy enough as he is or he’d have made changes to be more like you maybe?

TheVanguardSix I feel like the issue because I've changed! He blames me for this... :/

Don't feel superior whatsoever BleakBetty everybody chooses their own way and if they're happy with it then that's fair enough.

You are blaming each other for "changing", and tbh it doesnt sound like either of you has much respect for the other. Go your separate ways, and find other people more compatible with your respective lifestyles.

That’s fine, Green, may just have been my interpretation of reading your post, not trying to be goady.

It’s really sad when someone doesn’t move forward in the same direction as you when you really want them to, but it sounds like he’s making it clear he’s not willing to make the changes you’d like. You may be better suited to someone who has more similar values to you

Doesn't sound like you are compatible OP.
Sounds similar to a relationship I was in a long time ago and we just landed up resenting each other and living separate lives. Best to get out now!

P.s. well done on the weight loss and sorting your health out! Give yourself a huge pat on the back

Thank you guys. Yes I agree with everyone, I personally don't 'blame' for this incompatibly, people change, I've said this to him a million times but he continues to blame me because I'm the one that's made the most radical changes

You've both changed in opposite ways so sounds like it's the end of the line for this relationship.

You've both changed and become incompatible. Nobody's fault, but the relationship has ended.

Agreed :( thanks so much for your input 💚

Well, I'm not a vegan, non drinking health fiend. But I'd still dump someone who got drunk every weekend, left kebab grease all over the house and was generally quite disrespectful.

C'mon OP, you knew the answer before you posted this. Why haven't you left him already?

I am vegan / live a healthy lifestyle very similar to yours, I had a husband very similar to your DP. My exh & I didn’t separate because of our lifestyle choices, it was something very different. But my DP of 5 years has a very similar lifestyle to me, fit, healthy, eats well and it is so much better and easier sharing my life with someone who enjoys the same lifestyle. If this relationship doesn’t work out, I would definitely only consider a relationship with someone with similar lifestyle choices to me. I didn’t realise how happy it makes me to be able to share all areas of my life with a partner.