How to get over an affair

[Katrina7878]

I have been having an emotional affair with another man for over a year. I am in a 4 year long relationship which I feel is coming to an end however I am terrified to leave as I don't want to break my partners heart, I also know I am financially secure and that he will never leave me so I am scared to take the risk and leave him for my affair partner. My affair never got physical however we both discussed the future and meeting up, I also saw him a few weeks ago and it almost became physical. I have genuine feelings for him and I cannot stop thinking about him however recently he has blocked all contact with me and told me not to say anything romantic to him. I feel he has had enough of me not making a decision between him and my partner, I haven't spoken to him now for 2 weeks and it's killing me. I want to leave but I need more time. Has anyone else been in this position? I feel terrible and guilty however my relationship is filled with arguments and is not the same anymore, I never thought I would be the person to have an affair but I just couldn't help it. Please can anyone offer any advice or an opinion from an outsider as I have no one to speak to about this..

If you're financially secure pay for some private counselling to figure out and come to terms with why you are so absolutely terrified of being on your own.

You're going to get flamed, btw.

You be been having an emotional affair after just 3 years into your relationship. It shouldn't be hard work at this stage! Leave your partner and then decide what you want to do.

Do yourself and DH a favour and walk away now. You've clearly moved on and life is too short for you both to be in a relationship that isn't working.

You may get flamed, but I understand shit happens, people get hurt and it's not nice but the best we can do in life is be honest with ourselves and others. You're not doing that right now and it's hurting everyone. Your DH and you both deserve to be with someone who wants to be with them.

Why do you need more time? You've had over a year. I'm not surprised om has given up on you!

More time is not going to make a difference to your partner's broken heart. Stop faffing around and hurting everyone, yourself included.

If you had left your partner when this had all started his broken heart would have healed by now. Instead you've subjected him to a year of arguments and being in a relationship with someone who doesn't want him.

I'd take the broken heart over a fake relationship with some who has lied to me for a year.

It's so difficult to know if I am doing the right thing, I feel I am putting my partners happiness before my own as that is the type of person I am but at the same time I am being deceitful and lying behind his back. I am not proud of this at all I am so ashamed however I really feel I have fell in love with this other guy. Now he has blocked contact with me however I feel like he doesn't really care about me so should I just give up

I feel I am putting my partners happiness before my own as that is the type of person I am

Do you have dc with your current partner? I’m struggling to understand why you cheat on him through 75% of your relationship? No one forces anyone to stay in a relationship and I’m sure that if your partner knew you were having an affair he would definitely not want to be with you , yet you are making that choice for him. Tell your DP the truth . You’ve wasted so much of his time already and frankly he can do better than you.

Whether you end up with the OM is neither here nor there. You have the opportunity to be honest with your current partner and tell him the relationship is not working for you and finish it even if you end up alone. He is not a consolation prize. Once the dust settles on that - because it won't be easy to actually do- who knows how you'll feel about the OM.

You don’t need to ‘get over the affair’ - you need to get out of the relationship that stopped working after 3 years....
Life is too long to be unhappy and pretend.

Don’t be with someone who is with you because you are financially secure.