He hasn't cheated but I feel so betrayed

[Sunflowersarelife]

NC because my other name is identifying.

Been with my DH for 11years we have 3DC together.

So the beginning of August I had a miscarriage, my DH actually sighed with relief, I was devastated. His behaviour was different I had a feeling something wasn't right so I checked his phone when he was passed out drunk, this was the night after i got the news of my miscarriage.

He and his friend were chatting so disgustingly about women his friend is seeing. The women sent intimate photos of themselves to DHs friend who then sent them to my DH. He told dickhead friend he was going to have a w**k over them an that he has been masturbating over his ex gfs(he said past fucks)

Im so so hurt to the point I told him I don't want to be with him because I feel like he cheated even though he didn't. He cried and begged not to split up and agreed to couples therapy but hasn't booked anything. We haven't slept together since July and I don't want him to be intimate at all.

Any advice to get past this? AM I overreacting? TIA

What a revolting, crude man. Why are you with someone who talks like that? He's a grown man for goodness sake.

I don't think it's worth it, he sounds horrible.

Also, do you think you're going to report his friend you the police? It's one thing you can do to make sure the woman he's seeing doesn't continue to get treated this way. Picture sent via messaging services such as WhatsApp come under revenge porn laws.

Sorry OP but he's a sleazy scumbag. I wouldn't want to be intimate with him either.

When you said he was out until the early hours I'm afraid that prostitutes crossed my mind. His attitude towards women and the language used with his nasty little friend lead me to believe he could be the kind of man who would feel it's ok to rent a woman. Might explain the lack of phone evidence plus his accusations aimed at you.

Hopefully I'm wildly off the mark, but I'd consider ltb whether or not he was cheating.

Sounds like you have come to a healthy conclusion OP. Take your time, get advice. Do it when you are ready.

OP from what you've said, it sounds like he wants to be 'one of the lads' while having the benefits of you as a mummy figure. Not at all uncommon, but unsustainable for a healthy relationship.

Tbh op he is a grown man if he doesnt know how to behave already couples counselling isnt going to teach him.
He is disrespectful to women, wanks over ex girlfriends, thinks it is amusing to look at intimate photos that arent intended for him, shows no support when the mother of his children suffers a miscarriage and stays out drinking until he passes out. Not my idea of a respectful, responsible family man. I dont blame you for not wanting to have sex with him. Hell i wouldnt even want to share a house with him.
Your sons (if you have them) are learning how to treat women from this horrible excuse for a man. Your daughters (again, if you have them) are learning what little respect they should or shouldnt accept from a man they love. I would be extremely concerned about that.
Oh and by the way he has no intention of attending therapy, he is clearly just doing or telling you exactly what he thinks he needs to to stop you ending it. My guess is this isnt the first time he has fucked up and you have threatened to kick him out. Im also thinking it wont be the last.
On a final note there are quite a lot of new laws that prevent the sharing of intimate images without consent so him and his friend should be very careful. But that aside its fucking disgusting of his friend to do that and vile of your husband/partner to joke about using them to wank over. Im lost for words at the level of disrespect and low morals this behaviour displays.
You deserve better and so do your children. The only appointment i would be booking is one with a legal advisor.