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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

How to build bridges?

6 replies

Storm4star · 14/09/2018 21:47

Something traumatic happened to me and I isolated myself. It’s kind of the way I am. So, for the past 6 months i’ve been a shit friend, to some people who mean quite a lot to me. A friend of mine even had a baby in that time but I was just so destroyed by what happened to me that I ignored everything else that was going on. I want to get in touch with these people and apologise but i’m struggling. Because every way I can think to phrase it makes it all about me! So, if I say “i’m Sorry but....” it’s like i’m Making excuses and they would then feel obliged to ask how I am, and they would probably feel sympathy for me because they’re nice people. But I don’t want that. I don’t want them to feel bad for me because i’m The one who’s been a crap friend. I hope that makes sense? So how do I rebuild my friendships without bringing up my own issues?

OP posts:
Orangecake123 · 15/09/2018 00:38

I tend to isolate when I'm very low. Start small. The friend with the baby perhaps just send her flowers through the letterbox. The others just a text saying hi and that you've missed them and just take it from there.

Doingreat · 15/09/2018 10:11

Hope you're feeling better now op.

Could you write a small note card to each friend and say you went through a difficult time and needed to be on your own for a bit. Now you're feeling better you'd love to hear from them and see them again. The very act of physically writing this down can be cathartic (I find). And receiving a handwritten letter or note can be a lovely gesture to your friends.
There's no need to say sorry at all for anything. No one is in the wrong here.

category12 · 15/09/2018 10:30

Tell them pretty much what you've said here.

category12 · 15/09/2018 10:38

If they're aware of the traumatic event, you don't need to mention it, you could just say "I've been a shit friend over the past few months, and I'm aware I haven't been there for you in the way I'd have like to have been. I would love to reconnect now, if you're up for it" or something.

If they're not aware of what happened, then I think you need to mention in bald terms "I've been a shit friend in the months since [x] happened,..."

user14869556378 · 15/09/2018 10:40

Tell them what you've told us. I had a friend do this to me and once she explained she was having a tough time all instantly forgiven and nothing changed

Original poster
Storm4star · 15/09/2018 11:55

Thanks everyone. That makes me feel better. I think a little card for each of them is a nice idea, and the flowers are a good idea too.

OP posts:
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