Is an amicable split ever possible?

[Itjustisntworking]

I've name changed for this.

DH has packed a bag and left tonight. We had an argument on Tuesday, which made me realise that I don't particularly want to be with him any more. Things haven't been right for a good few years, but I think we've tried to paper over the cracks for the sake of our 3 and 5 year old DC.

I think this is what I want. There's been various issues that I haven't got the energy to go into now, but no infidelity on either side. I don't love him anymore and if he's honest I think he feels the same about me. I'm nearly 38. I don't want to just rub along anymore.

I really don't want things to get nasty and I'm scared of how I'll manage financially. I don't know what to do, or how to go about it. I feel so sad for my DC. I feel scared of telling my parents who are in their late 70s because I don't want them to stress and worry.

It feels like it's going to be an epic mess, but I just don't think I can stay in this marriage.

Yes, I think so based on what I have observed. But I think those couples are successful because they agree that this is a priority for them and that they accept that they need to maintain a constructive relationship for the sake of their children. They park blame and recriminations and get on with their lives without bitterness or at least they don't show it.

I have one friend who in the course of counselling another friend going through an acrimonious split explained why he had been able to have keep an amicable relationship with his ex. For him and his ex their priority was to ensure their children didn't suffer and that they could be the best parents they could be after divorce. Inherent in that was not bitching and blaming each other. He revealed that they both agreed to never disclose the full reason why they broke up. Both maintain the marriage just died to everybody including close family. They were both flexible over the settlement, he got his win and she got her win. They co-parent and arrange their lives around the children. They have their own lives and stick to their commitments and respect their children's relationships with wider family and friends. He moved out as soon as he could, even though it was a struggle financially. He said that the overwhelming feeling of relief on separation made it worth the expense. It made him realise just how stressful his marriage had been when they stopped getting on. Separation and divorce worked for them and their children. Both are happy and their children are delight even as teens.

Your parents just want you to be safe and secure now and in the future. They will be shocked and saddened for you but they might worry about the impact on their grandchildren. So show them that you are both acting in their interests. It will apply to the other set of grandparents and their relationship with your children.

At the end of the day you will have years of co=parenting ahead of you. That can only work if you have a reasonable relationship.

I think there are exceptions and that an amicable split can work if both parties are on the same page.
Unfortunately, it tends to be that as soon as the "money" side of things raises it's ugly head, things start to fall apart. That is, generally one party wants more than their fair share etc.
Then the problem and implantation of re partnering can also cause problems between you both.
There are many factors that can disrupt the course of an amicable separation, but, as mentioned earlier. If you both are on the same page in this then i see no reason why it cant work

Yep. My exh and I had a perfectly amicable divorce. We agreed that we had got married too young and in the long term we weren't right for each other.

A few factors that helped were that we are both reasonable people. DS was only 10 months at the time of our separation so he's never known any different. We owned no property together and had absolutely no joint finances (we were young, renting and skint) so there was no arguing about money as we didn't have any!

4 years down the line we still get along fine and co parent well. He lives with his new partner and I get along with her too.

Yes, amicable is certainly possible if the interests of the kids are paramount.
Similar to you, op, I realised I no longer loved my ex but it took a couple of years to actually admit it and tell him I wanted to split. Things were difficult at first as he was angry and argumentative but I just kept repeating that I was sorry, but we were done. He moved out and I managed to buy him out of his share of the family home so dc have as much stability as possible, and he has since hought his own place in the local area. We agreed child access and maintenence between us and everything financial was set out in our separation agreement dealt with by solicitors.
It is easy to get lost in the utter sadness and disappointment when a marriage ends but ultimately the kids are a true blessing, and the determination to keep as much stability for them by both parents cannot be underestimated. Be firm but fair with your ex, especially in front of dc.