How do I get over this relationship?

[RidingARollerCoaster]

My stbxh and I were together for about 7 years, married for 5 and separated in March this year.

Since then, rightly or wrongly, we've been having a kind of 'friends with benefits' relationship that worked for us both for a while.

Approx. 6 weeks ago, after a weekend away with the kids, he was keen to give it another go whereas I had always maintained that I never wanted to get back together (massive lack of trust due to financial mis-management by ex - long story!).

We've had a few weeks of 'cooled off' contact and he turned up on Monday to let me know he's met someone else.

I know I don't want to be with him long term but I still fancy him / have feelings for him and feel in a desperate kind of limbo as I know I need to get over him but it just feels so hard.

Any advice would be very welcomed!

I'm in a similar situation. Relationship over due to him sexting and emailing a dating site
I don't want to have sex with him and he knows I can never trust him, but for some reason I still want him in my life as a friend
Maybe we're just torturing ourselves but he wants to stay friends too....I'm sure this will all change when one of us meets someone else..so I do feel for you x

Thanks StillAgony, I'm trying to distance myself as I know that's what's best for me and my sanity but he still texts / emails me telling me how much he cares about me and it isn't helping.

I've been through a divorce previously but I just went out dating pretty much straight away whereas I'm not interested in that this time round so am obviously missing that kind of contact.

Also, my Mum is very ill at the moment which is making me desperate for comfort which obviously previously would have come from him.

The yearning is ridiculously painful!

Over time those feelings with disappear, but hopefully you may well be able to maintain some sort of friendship for everyone's sake.

I'm still on friendly terms with my ex. We chat about most things friends do. It works well for the sake of our child. I have a new partner he doesn't at the moment. We are nearly 5 years post split and the feelings definitely do go. I want the best for him (to be happy) and vice verse.

I'd say the fact he's even telling you he has met someone else is 1. A rebound and 2. Maybe kind of a bit of emotional manipulation to make you think he's ok and moving on with his life.

I very much doubt he is, if he really was over you he wouldn't feel the need to announce to you about a new girlfriend!

I too had little problem dating after a previoushort divorce, maybe it's cos I'm older -49, who knows?
I'm not currently interested in seeing anyone right now, he says he'll tell me if he meets someone else, although I'm not sure he would....I suppose I'm past all the shouting and upset, and think maybe contact on a friendship basis might be ok.....I'm sure it must be a lot more difficult if you still have feelings for him
We are going to a wedding together in Spain next week - my views on this could have completely changed when I get back

ofgs, a ''friends with benefits'' arrangement with your husband is the most self-destructive thing I've ever heard.

If you've ended the relationship because he cheated or lied then draw a line under it.

HOw can you move on? HE will obviously think that it's only a matter of time before you slip unconsciously back in to relationship without any clear ''standard'' on your part being respected.

Being friendLY and thinking about new boundaries would be better.

After my first divorce, we both moved on quite quickly but neither said anything for about 6 months but we both obviously distanced ourselves from the other.

This time round, we did the 'friends with benefits' thing for a while which was obviously a huge mistake and I thoroughly regret now but every time I see hime (twice a day at the moment!), I just long for him so much.

The 'proper' relationship is dead and will never be an option again but I just have this overwhelming feeling towards him - I'm assuming lust? - whenever I see him. Also probably my emotional vulnerability due to my Mum's illness isn't helping.

I just wish I didn't feel like this, I just want him to hold me.

I can completely relate to your situation. I have just called time on my relationship with my husband. We have been together since we were 17. It's all very raw and I still care deeply for him and can't imagine him not being in my life. He's a good man and father we have just ran our course. I hope in the long term we can stay s friends but for now I doubt it he is too hurt.

I think you need to think about what this overwhelming feeling is, because it’s not just lust. That’s a guarantee.
Fwb are exactly that, there’s no sort of with it.

I think it is fear.

Thanks for all the replies, I think it probably is fear as a lot has changed in my life this year and I'm still trying to come to terms with it all.

I also think I'm just desperate for comfort at the moment so am probably steering this need in the wrong direction.

Will keep my distance until these feelings have passed - bloody hard though!