Husband with depression - trying for #3

[doireallywantthree]

I guess I’m after some shared experience.

My husband and I had started trying for our third baby. He seems to have been suddenly hit with depression, he or are are not sure if it’s related. He’s in that stage where he cannot comprehend what has caused it and he’s just sunk so low.

I am really trying to be supportive but at the same time I am panicking that this is going to mean the end of our final chance to have another baby. I was deeply invested and in some level this baby is already real. I’m 37 and our youngest is already 2.5 so it feels like times not on our side. Last time he had depression I basically lost my husband for 15 months. It left huge scars in our relationship as I felt I had been totally abandoned. I feel like I have the strength (just) to go through that again, but I’m not sure how to handle it ruining our chance of a third child on top of everything. I feel like I’m staring down into the abyss a bit knowing what might be to come. I know this sounds very dramatic!

I don’t know to handle the conflicting feelings of wanting to support him and the huge loss I feel in anticipation of missing this chance. And the feeling that it’s his fault.

Any advice would be gratefully received.

Have you read Depression fallout? It’s a really good book about what happens to families when some one has depression with real life accounts. It’s really insightful.

I think you would be mad to try for another baby at this point. Has he been to the GP?

My mother has depression and my brother and I was suffocated by it growing up.

Thanks for the response. I will look the book up.

I understand that it’s snsible not to try for a baby, I don’t think he would be capable anyway.

I just feel completely bereft that the timing of this means it may never happen. And honestly although I know it’s not his fault I’m sacred that the resentment might eat me up.

I realise these thoughts are very selfish, I guess that’s why I’m spilling my guts on a forum!

I have a vague hope this might not last as long, as it’s only been a few weeks and he’s trying to make an appointment with his old therapist so he as at least recognised it straight away.

This is the first time it’s hit when we’ve had children old enough to notice, my daughter is six, so that’s freaking me out a bit.

Like I said I don’t know how to separate, what is honestly anger towards him from trying to help.

It sort of sounds like you need to concentrate on the family you have being well and happy at the moment. If the eldest has started to notice the depression another baby is just going to add to the turmoil. I'm older than you and pregnant, there is time but it needs to be the right time too.

Thanks for the reply.

I know it’s not right to try for a baby.

It’s the resentment I feel about the situation which I’m finding hard to handle.

I’m honestly scared if I will be able to love him in the same way. Scary writing that out loud!