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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Lost phone... again

6 replies

MrsNacho · 14/09/2018 13:53

I may be overly cynical so I am asking opinions on here for a more rounded view.

My ex and I were together 5 years and we split up. Lots of issues on either side. We have a child together so remained friends and recently decided to give things another try 3 years later.

He moved across the country so we are doing things long distance. Saves us rushing back in to picking up where we left off, we can date and get to know each other again, seems like a good thing.

One problem seems to be we have a different idea on how much contact is reasonable. In this day and age with smart phones I would expect a good morning message, a quick chat in the evening and a good night message. We both work so not expecting constant conversation. He on the other hand seems to think 2 texts one day and maybe a quick phone call a couple of days later is enough. He doesn't reply to lots of my messages even if we are having a conversation he will just stop, no good bye or catch you later etc.

Anyway the bit that is making me suspicious is twice now in the last three months he has lost his phone for 2 days at a time. Who loses their phone these days.
He is a typical 29 year old so his phone is often glued to his hand. I suspect he turns it off if he is with someone else and doesn't want me to call him.

There is no reason for me to be suspicious, no cheating in the past, it was his idea to get back together, he talks about us having another child and living together again soon. (I am the one holding these plans up because I don't want too be or have any more children)

I just can't shake the feeling that it is odd to A) just stop conversations mid flow and not acknowledge it the next time we speak.
B) go off grid for 2 days at a time. And 1 day at another time but he didn't say he lost his phone that time.

Am I being ridiculous or would you be suspicious too?

OP posts:
Musti · 14/09/2018 14:30

He's talking bollocks

RatRolyPoly · 14/09/2018 14:39

I have no desire to defend this guy at all if your gut is telling you to worry, but his phone habits sound literally identical to mine - it never occurred to me that it would be as antisocial as you're saying!

To be fair it annoys my friends to a degree, but I could honestly never accommodate a partner who wanted a good morning and a good night text. And I disappear mid-conversation all the time. AND I lose my phone, except it isn't lost, I just put it down somewhere and can't be arsed to find it for a few days because there are a million things I'd rather be doing at that time than using it!

So.... if it were me I'd be so the opposite of suspicious, I'd be over the moon! But you know this guy, you know what's normal and what's believable, and you also know what levels of contact you're comfortable with. Any suggestion from him that he might be prepared to be flexible in this regard?

Bekabeech · 14/09/2018 14:58

Why?

Why bother? He doesn't want to contact you on the same basis you want to contact him. So that is one sign of incompatibility.
Why are you chasing after him? It just seems as if he's not the one for you.

MrsNacho · 14/09/2018 16:18

I am not chasing after him, if he doesn't reply to my message today I would wait until tomorrow to contact him and if he didn't reply to that I would wait for him to contact me. So I don't think chasing as such?

@Ratrolypoly he was never like this before when we were together but we are older now and I am sure we have both changed over the last 3 years.

OP posts:
TheEmmaDilemma · 14/09/2018 18:06

I have a tendancy to sometimes stop replying to friends mid conversation because I'm cooking, or the dog, or listening to my Partner... whatever.

I do though stay in contact with my Partner saying good morning and good night when he's away. That's just curtesy so we know each other is still alive, and that after 4 years and living together.

We started long distance, and to be honest yes we did that. In fact we often just fell asleep on skype together. These days we care less. lol I would say at the point you are, I don't think your expectations are unreasonable.

MrsNacho · 14/09/2018 18:19

Thanks I thought that was minimum. I speak to my driving instructor more often than I speak to my boyfriend.

I think I am feeling pressure because we had such a good friendly relationship and I don't want to end up loosing that if things go wrong. We have our child to consider.

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