WTF is wrong with me?? Why can't I trust???

[Flame]

Sick of being like this.

In 8 years DH has never given me any reason not to trust him, and yet whenever he goes out properly (once every couple/few months) I end up sat here at 2am convinced there's some other woman

I get to the hysterical crying wanting to call and find out where he is stage.

I don't know how to break out of it, I don't think I am ever going to be able to trust

FFS the man even put ON his ring to go out!

I'm exhausted, I came to bed at 10pm and yet I am still awake because I am too worked up with my brain in overdrive.

Just seen this, perhaps by now your DH is back and worries are over.

Did someone else cheat on you before? Or did your dad cheat on your mum?

Do you end up calling him? How does he respond?

Is therapy an option? It sounds like this is causing you a lot of unhappiness.

and tell me if I'm wrong but sometimes reading some of the threads on here doesnt help matters.

{{hugs}}

Oh, yes, the large number of threads on here about cheating men can't help! It gives quite an unbalanced picture - but then one can hardly go around starting threads saying 'my DH isn't sleeping with anyone else' ...

If you're worried about him meeting someone else more than you're worried about something awful happening to him, it sounds like your self esteem is at the bottom of this. Agree with NQC's suggestion of therapy, but in the meanwhile you need some coping techniques. It's not unreasonable to make one call or send a little affectionate text during the course of an evening if you are so rarely apart. If he's out till gone 2am and you manage not to call at all you're doing pretty well! Perhaps he would understand if you explain that you worry when he's out (don't say what about!) and ask if it's OK that you call him at certain times. Mind you if he's in the middle of some drinking game/football match he might not respond quickly, then you'll feel worse!

Oh and get something to do by yourself to take your mind off him not being there - if all you do every evening is with him, no wonder you're at a loose end when he's not there. Good book, long scented bath, DVDs he wouldn't want to watch, phone call to family or best mate, anything rather than sit around wondering where your usual companion is.

Not that it's likely to be much comfort, but if he only goes out every couple of months it wouldn't be much of an affair. Looking over the threads here the pattern is that when there is something to worry about, like an affair or a drink problem, one of the symptoms is going out several times a week. If yours stays in with you so often he is a treasure. No wonder you're worried that someone else might snap him up.

Yu are all lovely - he came in just as I posted this.

Its a dad n mum thing NQC (plus seeing various friends go through it).

I've thought about therapy in the past, but I'm never sure how much it will help because I know exactly what has caused me to feel like this.

He is a star, we used to argue about it because he was so hurt that I couldn't trust him, but now he seems to put up with me - if I ask he will text me during the evening. I try my hardest not to phone, which then leads to my getting to the 2am stage and its not the most sane phonecall...

We don't do a lot together in the evenings (he plays online games, I tend to be on here/watch tv/read etc), but we are just always together if that makes sense?

I am getting better - I used to insist on him wearing his ring out (god knows why, he could just take it off anyway!), but now I don't even think about it (and he has started doing it of his own accord).

He came home to me very tearful, and didn't even have to ask why , but because he just picked up the pieces knowing why and how.

There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with you and you are lucky to have a man that is supportive through your insecurities......

We all have out limits and it seems that 2am is yours maybe as well as support he could either be home or make contact by 2am or perhaps a little earlier before you have rached boiling/hysteria

Well, knowing what's caused it is a good start. I still think therapy might help you talk it through and help you realise, emotionally, as well as logically, that your DH isn't likely going to cheat on you. (And, of course, if he was inclined towards cheating, getting upset whenever he was out wouldn't stop him!)