I’ve never done this before but sometimes it’s just nice to have people to talk to and to get reassurance that it’s natural to feel how I’m feeling. Without writing a whole novel, I’ll try and keep it fairly to the point. Me and my partner were good friends and colleagues for three years before we ended up as a couple, and have been going for three years now. He introduced me to a whole load of new feelings, love and passion which I had never felt before. We love each other very much and live together, but there’s a few things I’ve really struggled to get over. We have never had a good sex life, maybe twice a month now.. we are both early/mid 20s and I’m always being told that isn’t normal. I found out early last year that he had been jacking himself off over pictures of his ex partners- this hurt me drastically, most of them were just faces too, no nakedness or anything. Now I’m fine with him watching porn but this really affected me. The pictures were on his phone, saved, which was awful as I had seen one weeks before of my sister and thought nothing of it. I hope he hadn’t done it over her pictures. We had a really long talk and he couldn’t see the issue with it until I said ‘okay then, I’ll just look up a load of my exes and grab my bullet if that’s not a problem.’ To which he of course freaked out then saw it was a problem. Despite the talk, it happened twice more, to which I then felt really horrid about myself because it just made me think that I wasn’t good enough, that I clearly wasn’t desired. I can’t express how low I went with my self esteem, I even cut my hair, got a whole new wardrobe and got a tattoo, to try and drastically improve my appearance based on the exes he was looking at- I know, crazy right. Anyway fast forward several months, you guessed it, it happened again and again and has probably happened around 14 times that I know of. I’ve written letters, cried loads of tears, left but then returned only a few hours later and although he is so remorseful every time, it’s going to happen again. When we were on holiday, I nearly got an early flight back when I saw he had been at it again and so I thought I’d scare him and write her a message and tell her what he’s been doing. I actually sent it to him to read and he panicked so much, worried he could be arrested if she reported him etc to which I replied ‘then you know how wrong all of this is.’ He then confessed, 2 years into our relationship that he had tried to message her several times too just to see how she was! I flipped at this because why would he feel the need to? She’s been out of his life since they were 16. He eventually blocked her but has moved onto other people- I’ve had brief subtle glances at opportune moments, our sex life never improved, it was obvious that it was still happening. Just a few days ago I saw he was still continuously looking at these pics. What’s awful is walking down the street and seeing these women who don’t know how much hurt their pictures have caused- I even had my hair done as one of them was in the salon which just made me really angry. It’s clearly never going to stop, and between this and his unhealthy weed habit that has never improved, I’m just feeling a bit lost. We had a big agreement after he struggled to stop with the smoking- we agreed that he could do 1 week every month of weed. This wasn’t kept to, so it then eventually ended up being he will have one week a month without smoking it- this still didn’t happen and it’s now been about 4 months without any compromising. I have tried on several occasions to take it away for a week but it’s sparked huge arguments. I’m always telling him he always gets his own way but I’m just feeling like I’ve had enough and don’t know what to do. I saw the other day he messaged an ex partner just to ask how things were, and again I just don’t get why you would do that. No one is perfect, but I’ve always been completely loyal- I get flirted with in video games and that makes me feel so uncomfortable that I tell them to stop and that I’m not available because guilt eats me up and I could never hurt anyone. I am decent looking, young with an okay job and I’m educated, but I just feel I deserve better, and I’m finally starting to realise it. We’ve had chats before where I’ve had mini breakdowns and he has said once again that he’s sorry and then said if I can’t cope with what he had done in the past, he can’t live with my ‘sad days’ when they happen (even though he is the cause for my sad days). Although this all sounds quite bad, all of this aside, our relationship is practically perfect and we do have something really special but I don’t know if I am being a total mug so to speak. What would you do? Is it all an overreaction or am I justified in my thinking and my struggles? If it’s like this now will it get worse? Shall I just try to ignore it all and focus on the majority which is happy and lovely? I’ve been thinking lately that I need to try and save a bit of cash over the next year and if something does happen again, or something drastic, I am justified in saying enough is enough, even though it’ll be a total shock to him. When I’ve tried talking to him about sex life, for years I have been told I’m pressuring him, yet once we went three/four months without sex because of it, yet he was still getting off over pictures of his exes. He’s also always moody and anxious from work so I’m always the bad guy so to speak if I ever try and raise any issues because it’s just one other thing for him to deal with.