Feeling extremely lonely ☹️

[hobnobbex]

So I have no friends.
Throughout school, and years after school I had lots of friends. 2 years ago I moved away from my home town, and moved back in November... while away I had lost contact with friends or friends had moved away.
Now I have no one. ☹️
I do the school run in the morning, come home potter around the house and then school run in the afternoon. I’m on the own everyday, all day and just wish I had a friend. I talk to DH friends girlfriends/wife’s when we are out and one gf said to pop her a message whenever I’m free and to pop round for coffee... so I did, and nothing no reply just read my message, not even ‘sorry I’m busy’ I feel so awkward now maybe she was just trying to be nice.
I feel like these something wrong with me, how do you make friends?

Don't you get to chat to mum bys at the school gates when dropping off or picking up DC? OR is there a parents' forum - "Friends of ... School" where they get together and organise fund raising events for the school? Fetes, fayres, etc? Otherwise it's usually by joining things, hobbies, work in a charity shop a few hours a week maybe? Generally getting out and about. You won't t meet anyone pottering around at home.

I met my favourite friends through work.

Yes, get involved in the pta. Start inviting your children's friends over and when their mum drops them off or picks them up, invite them in for a drink and a chat. Join the gym or a local sports club. I play netball and hockey (I'm not very good) and the women are lovely and we socialise together.

If you're religious, look at seeing local Christian groups. They're usually really active socially.

Or look at doing some art or photography classes. Join a run club or a triathlon club. Basically join things you enjoy doing and you'll get to meet people that you see regularly.

Hi hobbnobex! Sorry to hear that. It's good you seem to have some free time, so could you do an activity that would be conducive to meeting people? You might have already considered this but joining things like a local choir means you meet the same group of people regularly, can socialise and make friends. If this is something that could interest you and you have a useful skill set you could help run a local scheme... I'm thinking of where i live, there's a committee that manages allotments and lobbies the council to convert empty buildings into youth clubs or affordable housing. Most members are volunteers who are free daytime often between school runs!
Have a look see if there's a Facebook group for the neighbourhood (we have one where i leave and you can - and people have done so - literally just post 'hi by myself today, anyone in the area fancy joining me for a coffee/local painting workshop /gym session etc. (i work from home and I'm usually always up for replying and meeting people!) Hope that helps! :)

Everyday for the past two weeks I’ve dropped him off, and picked up with the odd hello to a parent but no one seems to do the whole waiting in the playgroup/talking. He’s only just started 1st year, so this is our 2nd week of school runs, next week he starts before/after school club so I won’t be doing much of the school run after today. I guess these only so much getting out and about I can do on my own, I speak to the owners of a coffee shop I go into most days but they probably just feel sorry for me sat on my own 🤦🏼‍♀️

Haha sorry I'm repeating some of the suggestions above, I hadn't spotted them as i was writing my reply x

What do you do during the day (besides house work stuff which I assume you pick up during this time)? Do you have other younger kids that you're looking after in between drop off and pick it? If not Maybe you could go back to work PT, Do a bit of volunteering one day or week or find a hobby that is somewhat social that fits in with your day?

I come home, do a bit of paper work (DH is self employed and I do the books) get a few hours sleep I work nights... and 34 weeks pregnancy keep saying I'll go on maternity leave soon. Then it's pick up from school, home for dinner and DH is home about 4.30pm so I go back to bed. My sleep routine is extremly broken as DS isn't in before/after school club yet... that's starting as of Monday so I'll have longer to sleep during the day yay! (7.30am-6pm)

If you're pregnant start going to nct classes. Once your baby's born you can go to playgroup etc and you'll meet lots of people.

Wish we could afford NCT classes 😂 I’m starting a pregnancy class in October at the children’s centre which is free.

NCT is so expensive, (i also found them a bit pushy when i enquired) . I made good friends from the free classes and cheap playgroups instead. All the mums were keen to make friends in the area so hopefully you'll find a nice supportive group :)

Yes very pushy, and at nearly £20 an hour 😐 I’ll only manage to make 3 of the pregnancy classes at the children’s centre but DH said it’s better than nothing as he’s coming along to. I’m going back to work straight away, but only 2 nights a week rather than the 4 I’m doing now so will be able to attend some of the classes in the day once baby is here.

I only attended a couple in late pregnancy but just those two times allowed me to have a tea with the others and swap details. We created a WhatsApp group and any one of us can message the group any day asking if anyone wants to meet up. A lot of women in big cities especially tend to feel lonely with babies and small children. Other mums will be more than happy to hang out!

I honestly felt so much less lonely when I lived in Birmingham as there was so much to do, lots of different groups to attend, loads of baby groups. I live in a small town with 1 school, 1 big shop (tesco), 1 nursery and 1 playgroup so it's very lonely as we don't have lots of community groups or big projects. Even the local church is closed and opens rarely on special events. Everyone knows everyones business here, alot of small time gossip, which is a shame because people judge you by your family and not by you as a person (Had this issue with my DH as his father went to prison for murder nearly 15 years ago and still to this day people talk about it)

Find a hobby for yourself.

I've never understood 'mum'/'school mum' friends. The only thing I would have in common with them is having had sex/given birth within the same academic year. It's always seen as the odd basis for a friendship to me!

But if you can get out and meet people through a hobby - running; choir; craft; musical; whatever! Then you will meet people with whom you have things in common.

OK, most of the suggestions I was going to suggest, become less viable now you've said you are about to give birth.
In effect,, you are really looking for something for about a month whilst you are free / bored, before the baby arrives.

You say there is a play group and a toddler group. I'd rock up there, explain you've just moved back to the town, and don't really know anyone yet and are a bit bored until the baby arrives to fill your time - ask them if there are any jobs you can do to help them out for a couple of weeks...... prepare the snacks / drinks..... make coffee.... wash up etc.... just to get you out the house for a bit and into some adult conversation.

The only thing I have in common with most people is knowing how to be a 'mom or wife, lol.
I've never known any different, I had my 1st at 16. Every since then all I've done is be a wife (got married at 18), be a mom and work constantly. I've just turned 24 so don't really know who I am I guess.

I moved to another city a long time ago and I struggled for a long time. I did eventually make great friends at work but this took a couple of years (I don't make close friends easily). I also did meet a few nice people through baby classes but most of those friendships have fizzled out.
Another good way to get to know other Mums from the school is when they start doing play dates. Can you invite a friend over for tea after school one day?

@BackForGood - The baby group I'm going to attend once baby is here, but I'm still working full time at the moment (I work nights) so don't want to be taking on extra jobs, or committing myself to something I can't keep too, but I want a friend, someone I can message to meet up or just to talk/moan to.

@Crappyday2018 - He's only just started school, so we've not got that far yet with friends, he's on half days so there still learning to make friendship groups I guess in a few weeks we could

I totally get how you feel OP. I'm a sahm with 3 kids (15,12 and 2.5). Middle child has special needs and so goes to school on transport and eldest went to primary that was literally over the road to our house, so for the past 5-6 years I've not even had the conversations at the school gate! It's very lonely and the only adult conversation I get during the week is via WhatsApp speaking to my sisters! I'm looking forward to my youngest going to school so that I can begin to find myself again and join groups/the gym. So no practical advice, but just wanted to let you know you're not alone!

Hence me not suggesting what I was going to in the start, but suggesting you go along to somewhere where there are likely to be other parents with young children, so you can easily get into conversation with them, but with no real commitment to going regularly for any length of time.

Well, what about colleagues then?

The only thing I have in common with most people is knowing how to be a 'mom or wife, lol.
I've never known any different, I had my 1st at 16. Every since then all I've done is be a wife (got married at 18), be a mom and work constantly. I've just turned 24 so don't really know who I am I guess.

In that case, I'd say it's about time you did find out who you are. Wouldn't you?

What do you think you'd like to do?

Could you do some volunteering? That can be related to your old job or just something entirely different? It will fill up some of that 'pottering' time and you can pick something you feel passionate about. Lots of daytime volunteering opportunities around & will put you in regular contact with people as well as give you a sense of purpose

so don't want to be taking on extra jobs, or committing myself to something I can't keep too, but I want a friend, someone I can message to meet up or just to talk/moan to.

.....and how do you expect to meet this friend/ make this friend, if you don't want to go out and get to know people ?
If you've not remained friends with school mates, not gone to college or University, not made friends with colleagues, not really made friends from amongst your dh's friends' partners, then either volunteering, or a hobby seem the sensible way forward. The fact you are heavily pregnant suggests it might not be an ideal time to begin something new, hence the suggestions made.

How do you make friends?
It is a gradual process, over time, when you mingle with lots of different people...... which takes us back to the suggestions people have made. In life you make lots of 'circumstantial' friends, and some of them you just 'click' with and they become closer. Others are 'of a time / situation' which is fine. There isn't a way of deciding I want to make a friend this week', it is an evolving process.