Please tell me i'm doing the right thing

[JarlBalgruuf]

I know I am but tell me anyway

My husband has gone. I don't want him to come back. Here's some of tthe things that happened tonight from my 2 sides of A5 list

Threatened to slap me and take our 5 month old baby away multiple times (in the past has tried to break my arm, pulled my hair so much my whole scalp hurt, spat in my face, etc.)
Told me everyone around me (including him) ends up dead or an alcoholic (my ex killed himself a couple of years ago)
Collapsed and stabbed his wrist with a fork (my gut feeling is this was all for show as he recovered pretty fast after I phoned an ambulance)
Claimed he didn't stab himself with a fork.
Told me I am unfit to look after our son.
Accused me of cheating.
Blamed his MH issues on me.

I don't want him to come back but I do. I know this is an abusive relationship (thanks to mumsnet) this is not normal behaviour
I will not let my baby become him like he has become his abusive cunt of a dad. He's such a happy wee baby and I won't let anyone change that.

I am terrified because I know I have to see this through. I've known for a while but because I have had my own health issues I've been ignoring it.

please tell me what already know

i'm just procrastination hitting post now.....

OP you need to work out a plan now of what you do next as he’s expecting you to cave in if he promises to change which he won’t. Work out what your options are and which route is best for you

Can you block his calls and texts for a while? If it's an iPhone just go into contacts and block the number til you're feeling a little stronger and more able to deal with his behaviours.

You know you're doing the right thing, you know what your son needs, you know he isn't going to change. You need to get up each day and remind yourself of those facts til it's become unthinkable to take him back.

Its good that you're not phoning the police, OP. When he finally goes too far and harms you or the baby, there wont be any sort of trail of evidence of his behaviour. Even better, when he finally gets bored with you and goes off to harrass some other poor cow, there wont be a record of his violence to disclose under Claires Law.

Well done to you. Im sure this violent, mentally ill headcase will see sense and leave you alone very soon.

Gee thanks your sarcasm helps sooooooo much

Please call police 101 and report.
If he turns up call police. 999

It's fantastic you are not engaging with him but yes to letting the police know so you can get the evidence required for a restraining order which may be necessary to protect you and the DC.

I have tried phoning 101 but it says I need credit to do that.

Apparently I have to give him a key to he new lock because he's a joint tenant.

I would report the events of the other night and your general situation re the relationship to the police and contact your landlord/letting agent to explain the situation. At the very least speak to someone to find out what your rights are after notifying the police. Who told you he had to have a key? Was it him?

Can you email someone to ring 101 on your behalf - to get them (or DV officer) to ring you maybe. I admit I don't know how it works exactly.

Go to the police station and report .

OP you need to move if it’s a tenancy - good luck and keep going, this may blow over but he won’t change and it’ll happen again and again. Get some RL support on where you are moving to on your own with baby

Please do NOT give him a key. Let him take you to court if he wants to - then the rest of his behaviour will come out. I suspect he won't bother.

Is he still hassling you?

Can your Dad or Bro come over again? Or could you go and stay with them for a few days? Hope you are OK.

This is such a difficult situation
It caught my eye because i have been on both sides of this
my mother used to blame me for my father leaving
she was very abusive towards me for the majority of my teenage years
On one hand you can't put up with behaviour like that
but on the other it sounds like he is unwell and needs help
Sometimes marriages are hard work especially when mental health is an issue
i suffer from ptsd and have dealt with fits of depression most of my adult life
it got so bad that i would blame my husband for everything from using the last of the milk to there being a snow storm which stopped us going to see my family one xmas
subsequently he spent xmas in the A&E because I threw a mug at his head, 15 stitches and a concussion
this went on for 2 years, but he didn't once blame me (most patient man in the world)
he never once gave up on me
he put up with so much
eventually he gave me an ultimatum, so i found the right balance of meds and with the support of my loving husband I am making great progress.
3 years later we are happier than we have ever been and those horrible days are in the past

i don't know the details of your husbands condition but everybody needs help at some point
some people dont know how to ask for it
others are too proud
for me it was a little of both
the key is not to give up

if he outright refuses help or starts to hurt the LOs obviously get rid of him straight away
But please don't give up
If my husband gave up on me i really dont know where id be right now

good luck with everything