Starting to doubt he is the one... Am I over thinking?

[D2018]

I've been with my OH since April last year and we have had a handful of disagreements over this time. They are mostly about minor things but I feel he is too critical of me. I.e my house isn't clean enough, I'm not studious enough and I get angry too easily. I also think he is selfish and feel a bit like an afterthought as it's generally his schedule i have to fit in to.
I do have mental health issues which I'm seeing a psychologist about regularly. I know I'm not the easiest person to deal with by feel like he wants me to be better than I am. He swears that's not the case but I still feel it. However we do have fun together, are sexually compatible and I do think I love him. We have talked about him moving in with me after Christmas and even marriage in the next few years but I'm starting to doubt he is the one. I spoke to my bestie and she says I seem happy with him but she doesn't think he is bringing out the best in me.
I'm almost 30 and really want a man I can settle down with and have kids so don't want to waste time with someone that won't last. Am I over thinking this or should I listen to these doubts?

Hi there. There is nothing wrong with either person in a relationship encouraging the other to do better. That's healthy. We want to see the best come out of our loved ones. Also criticism, done in a loving manner, is also good e.g. I preferred your hair dark as it brought out your eyes better but you're beautiful anyway, or, let's starting doing some exercise together as I think we both need to get fitter. You shouldn't be moving in together until you've known each other a heck of a lot longer. If you decide that he's not the one, things will get messy. Give it some more time, but definitely communicate your feelings to him saying that you would like to hear his criticisms done in a better way. Or...get some counselling together - there's so much you can learn from a professional.

DH and I rarely argue. Maybe once in a year? Maybe longer.

I knew he was the right man for me when he did little things, unconsciously. It's not the big things that tell you - it's the little ones.

From your OP I don't think he's right for you. I also suspect you love the idea of him, not the reality of him. I agree with pp who said your friend has been very diplomatic with her language - take note of that translation.

Best of luck

D2018

Do not ignore your doubts here and how dare he indeed criticise you in your home. This man is really not right for you and you ignore the red flags re him at your emotional peril. He will also not do your mental health any favours either. He may well have targeted you because of your underlying MH issues as he thinks those would make you far easier to manipulate.

Joint counselling is a non starter with such types of man and no decent counsellor would ever want to see you in the same room together due to his critical treatment of you.

There is nothing wrong with either person in a relationship encouraging the other to do better. That's healthy. We want to see the best come out of our loved ones. Also criticism, done in a loving manner, is also good e.g. I preferred your hair dark as it brought out your eyes better but you're beautiful anyway, or, let's starting doing some exercise together as I think we both need to get fitter.

There's everything warped and unhealthy about that because the underlying belief is that oneself needs improvement or is lacking. That's fine it if comes from within, but coming from someone else early on a relationship that's a huge red flag. And roundabout criticism like that is insidious, manipulative, PA, gaslighting behaviour.

What category said! I believe that people come into our lives because they need to teach us something or learn something from us and sometimes they leave our lives after that function has been fulfilled.

Maybe this guy is your stepping stone to The One (if such a person exists - still not sure I've met mine . ) He has helped you become calmer and more secure but your doubts about him show that he isn't for you long term.

Dont be afraid to acknowledge what he has taught you but move on if he is now pulling you down.