How much is too much?

[DogsandKids94]

Just wondering on average how much you and your partners drink on a weekend? I sometimes get on at my partner as in my opinion he can overdo it and end up in a bit of a state but his excuse is always 'I've had a long week at work' or 'it's a weekend, I never drink in the week'. He has a very demanding job and neither of us drink in the week at all, I just want to know if I am being unfair getting on at him about this?

If it effects the rest of the weekend / hangovers / drowsy not getting house stuff done then it'd be too much for me but each persons tolerance is different

It doesn't tend the affect the rest of our weekend at all as he doesn't massively suffer with hangovers, we often have kids football games the next morning which he always attends without fail. It's more when he is actually drunk that I get annoyed, he can repeat the same story a number of times or become very short and snappy with me, he acts differently with different drinks as well which I've never found with myself personally!

Does he do it every weekend?

If he is binge drinking most or every weekend that would annoy me. If its less often then I would suggest he finds somewhere else to stay on those nights. I'm assuming he is drinking at the pub with friends, etc? Drunk people are almost always annoying if you're sober, even if they're only a bit drunk tbh.

Anything over the recommended units (technically).

Do you feel it's becoming more of a problem?

I think we need some details OP. Having said that what most people would deem too much over the course of a week some would consider a Friday night I think if it is stopping you doing things as a family because he's drunk/hungover then it's a problem. Also if you find he's been drinking more than he tells you i.e. empty cans/bottles tucked under other things in bin you should talk to him about it. I must say though I do enjoy a bottle of red on a Friday or Saturday night when not pregnant. Some male friends of ours can sink loooads of booze. Sometimes it's the only time us 'responsible' lot have a time to relax and blow off steam. X

We drink quite a bit (as in several drinks each on Friday and Saturday night and also Sunday if we’re having a big Sunday lunch). But not normally “in a state” (tipsy, not falling down and belligerent drunk) as we have small kids at home. We save that for when we each have a weekend away. So we like a drink a lot but no one ever has to be the ‘responsible’ parent because the other is obnoxiously drunk or hungover (we’re both up at 6am parenting even if we drink the night before). I think that makes the difference.

I drink 2-3 bottle wine on average. DH similar in wine, or probably 8-10 pints.
This is Fri-Sun.

I have to drink well over a bottle to be anything like drunk, DH would need to drink 2!

Probably anywhere beyween 15-28 units between fri-sun.

Noting im the week

Thank you all, I think I may be over reacting, I've never been a huge drinker (don't like wine/beer) and neither were my parents growing up. I tend to have up to 5 single spirits with mixer on a weekend and only go over when it's been a particularly stressful week or if we are out somewhere! If he goes to the pub with friends he can have probably about 8 pints of strong beer then come home and have wine or gin on top of that. If it's just is on a weekend he can easily drink a bottle of wine and maybe up to 6 generous gin and tonics, maybe adding a couple of bottles of beer as well!

His kids stay with us 3/4 times a week depending on work schedules and he is very devoted to making sure he is at every football match/training or anything they do since he split with their mum (a number of years ago now) and since being together I've never seen him once miss anything like that due to being hungover or rough.

I must get annoyed too easily.. he repeats himself over and over again and it drives me up the wall, then snaps at me because he says I'm not listening!

I have fuck all patience for a drunk person repeating themselves and gibbering utter shite at me. It’s also profoundly anti social.

I just think, none of us know how long we are here for and if someone is a good dad, a supportive partner and works a good, reliable job sorting his side of the bills then if you fancy some harmless silliness at the weekend it's not really that bad.

If he becomes aggressive or stops working or any of those horrible things then that is a complete other issue. X

Plus some alcohol tastes really nice!!

Personally I don't think that's an excessive amount, and it's not affecting his commitment or ability to attend his kids training sessions or do things with you.

I suspect the issue is your ability to tolerate the changes in behaviour that alcohol causes. We are all a bit silly after a few drinks - it's nice to have someone to be silly and giggle with - not to feel judged.

The problem isn't so much how much he's drinking or whether its excessive for someone, its how he behaves when he's been drinking. loads of people binge on a weekend but if its got to the point where you're not enjoying his company, then it is a problem in my book.
I like a drink at the weekend but not to the point where I'm repeating myself or being annoying (I hope). Its not quality time together is it? Not for you anyway.
I think you also have to question why he feels the need to get into such a state every single weekend, especially when you're not joining him. Personally I usually feel a bit weird drinking a lot when i'm in the company of someone who isn't.

8 pints of beer plus wine/gin in one evening is massive. If it's not affecting him, stopping him functioning the next morning, that just shows he is habituated to it. There's no-one more boring than a drunk.

Christ, in what universe is a bottle of wine, 5 g&t’s and a few bottles of beer not excessive? What IS excessive if that’s not???

Honestly that’s a serious binge and really damaging to health.

There are lots of issues associated with excessive alcohol consumption and problem drinkers broadly fall into 2 categories. The continuous heavy drinker and the bringe drinker.

A binge drinker is building up health issues and risk in much the same way as a heavy drinker. That is why it is not recommended. The other obvious problem with binge drinking is how vulnerable it makes the drinker and the people around him or her. They are at higher risk of physical harm due to accidents or crime. Their behaviour is damaging emotionally and to relationships, yours being the case in point.

Being seemingly able to cope with the after effects is an illusion. The consequences of drinking excessively are reduced functionality for up to 48 hours. You just don’t know what his weekend best is, nor do his kids. I doubt you have a baseline. Nb he shouldn’t be driving the next day and will still be impaired for quite some time after he stops drinking. Really how many people would leave their kids with a hungover child care provider, knowing they had binged the night before. You know they are impaired and cannot be trusted in a crisis.

Everybody is boring and repetitive after about 3-5 units max. Everbody. Plus they are more or less incapable of normal responses and behaviour. It doesn’t help you unwind and just causes anxiety. The silly and fun stage stops well before 8 pints.