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Original poster

Need some impartial advice

15 replies

tigronne · 13/09/2018 14:05

Err hello all,
A couple of days ago, I spent a whole evening and the best part of the night talking to a guy I've known for 18 years. We have never been out together, never even kissed because all those years ago, he was the one who never rang back. I'm trying to make this short as I hate those threads about a relationship that go on forever, but he told me he was really into me at the time, but as he was a struggling musician with no money and no job, he gave me the boot as he thought he wouldn't be up to scratch. Now he wants a do-over (we both happen to be single after a few failed LTRs on both sides). Now my original reaction to all this would be quite cynical, and I did roll my eyes the first time he told me this, which made him visibly upset. I've discussed this with my bff who thinks I should go for it. Your thoughts, ladies...

OP posts:
FoookinHell · 13/09/2018 14:06

Go for it, what have you got to lose?

Khaleesi78 · 13/09/2018 14:08

I'd go for it!

Justmuddlingalong · 13/09/2018 14:10

What have you got to lose? Nothing. It might work out, it might not, but you'll never know if you don't take a leap of faith.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 13/09/2018 14:16

Hmmm. I had a similar situation a while ago.

I went for it.

Turns out he did exactly the same thing again, after I've given up everything to move to where he was.

So go for it, but beware! Best of luck.

Trinity66 · 13/09/2018 14:17

mmm I wouldn't believe his excuse about why he dumped you before, people don't dump someone because they don't fell like they're good enough, that's a lame excuse. But maybe he's grown up now I don't know

Trinity66 · 13/09/2018 14:18

feel like*

Original poster
tigronne · 13/09/2018 14:24

I'm in two minds about his excuse as well (which is why I'm writing), it is plausible given the circumstances, though he didn't dump me as such, way back, it's more one of those ones that never got off the ground.

OP posts:
HipsterAssassin · 13/09/2018 17:08

You’re the fallback girl

Thingsdogetbetter · 13/09/2018 18:58

My now dh was my fwb many years ago. We stopped being fwb because I wanted more and he, very honestly, said he wanted to keep shagging around. Just mates for 5 years after that then fwb again, then a couple, now married.

To be honest we'd never have lasted the distance the first time round. People change. We just happened to change into people who work well together .

So my advice is to go for it!!

Original poster
tigronne · 13/09/2018 20:22

How come I'm the fallback girl?

I don't see it. I'm not about to go into too much detail, but I found a bf very quickly after he rejected me, he stayed single for a bit, and since, over the last ten years, he's been the one sending me ambiguous signals, not me.

If I'm to listen to my cynical side, he wasn't that into me back then, but I've changed a bit and my "prospects" are comparatively better now than they were (I take better care of my appearance, am a great deal more self confident and so on), so he figures he missed out.

That or he may actually be telling the truth.

OP posts:
Uniquefashion · 13/09/2018 20:31

He's had his fun shagging about and now he's come back to you to try and settle down. Or he's had no luck finding anyone else and thinks you'll have him.

Maybe I'm just cynical, but I don't believe him.

Original poster
tigronne · 13/09/2018 21:05

I don't really believe him either, but he's never been one for shagging around (that's more me tbh) and he's not the type to be down on his luck in that area, and he's had his rebound relationship already. Actually, the more I write, the more my cynical take on things (see my message above) seems to make sense. Thanks ladies, at least that's cleared up.

As for if I should go for it...well, there are worse reasons for asking someone out than the fact that they have aged better than expected...but it's not a great reason either...we'll see...

OP posts:
summersun0191 · 14/09/2018 08:30

Go for it, see how things go when you meet up, take it slow and see how things go. Just go in with an open mind that it may not work but don't worry about it enough to ruin the fun. Just be careful you don't get hurt, you never know it could work out really well for both of you. Good luck.

Angelf1sh · 14/09/2018 10:00

I’d say you’re clearly the fallback girl. His original reasons for not starting anything are obvious bs, he just wasn’t into you. Nobody doesn’t start a relationship because they think the other person deserves better. Now, for whatever reason (probably because you’re both single and he fancies a shag), he has decided to test the water. Tbh I’d say give it a whirl but proceed with caution - I’d expect this to be a purely fwb offer from him because if he wasn’t fussed last time, I can’t see him wanting a real relationship this time.

Original poster
tigronne · 14/09/2018 16:45

Well he has already made it very clear he wants more than FWB and wants to take things slow. We have so many people in common, having moved in the same social circle for a while now, that he really would have to be extremely stupid to be bullshitting me on this topic. In fact, I'm the one who's wondering if I won't hurt him by just having a fling (if he really has been into me for all these years which, as you say, is doubtful but I can't be sure and wouldn't want to be a jerk).

Sorryn this doesn't really fit the guy wants fwb/girl wants more scenario (I've been there a few times so I know)

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