I'm so broody and upset?

[soBroody]

I'm 29 and have been with my dp for 2 1/2 years. I have a dd(7yo) from a previous relationship and I desperately want another child but dp is 'afraid'.

I have tried to understand and give him time but it's all come to a head now. I have always told him I don't want children after 30 and that with a 7yo already the age gap would be too much if I waited any longer.

I can understand him not being ready and I wouldn't want a baby with someone who felt forced into it but he said yesterday that he wasn't ready to START a family and this has really upset me because I thought WE WERE A FAMILY!. This obviously means, despite his insistance to the contrary, that he doesn't consider us a family until we have HIS child.

He says he might think about it in a year or so but I've said we should comprimise and agree to decide one way or another by december.

Am I being unfair in putting this time limit on it or have I done enough in being honest with him from the beginning and wanting to know where I stand?

What is he afraid of? He's been long enough with you to see what bringing up a child is about.

I don't think it's realistic to put an arbitrary age limit to having more children. You may have decided you don't want to have children after 30 but I don't see why that should be, your fertility and general ability doesn't take a nose-dive at exactly 30.

December sounds like a good compromise to discuss it again.

sobroody, think you've done the right thing. All the vocabulary, eg will 'think about it in a year' and not thinking that you're a family yet (?? ) implies you're both at odds over your relationship. If you don't mind the uncertainty then you could stick with things, but do you want to b e in a position in a couple of years you are with him but with no child? Has he said why he doesn't want a baby? Is it just not wanting to be a parent? Lifestyle choice, an issue with his relationship specifically with you?

Soory, posted before finishing! Presume you've talked about this loads, so think it's good you've given till december to know where you'll stand. Good luck and hope things work out

it's not so much my actual age as opposed to the age gap that will exist between dc's if we wait longer.

thanks for reply

hi Walbert, thanks for reply.

he says he has never considered it before and that being a dad scares him. Able to provide financially but afraid of the lifetime commitment, not so much to me but to another human being. I think I can understand that, it's not something that should be easily jumped into but I do think I've given him enough time and even considering til december. I love him so much but I will resent him eternally if he keeps me dangling and eventually still says he's doesn't want another.

He insists he loves me and dd but I just don't feel it. sorry for going on

tbh wether the age gap is 7, 8 or 9 yrs, there's not going to be alot in common between the children, i mean if you were pg next month or next year. it isnt like if your eldest child i only 3 or 4 yrs old.

If you really do get along, and are happy as a couple, then may be best to wait till he is ok with idea.

Do you think he isnt ok with having a child in general?

It is scary, i mean, when its both your first ever child you are going into the unknown together. For him the baby would actually be his, and ok, he is with 'your' child now but hasnt been there as your child was a baby, and he may just need time to contemplate it all.

Don't fret about the 30 thing, I'm 38 and my dd is 5 and my dh left, but i still fee l i have sometime on my side if i EVER meet someone.

I am sure you will be fine, if you dont panic, and you both keep loving each other.

My friend was about 11 years younger than her brother and they got on like a house on fire. Plus, if you wait a while you'll have a ready made babysitter when you get your social life back, won't have to pay her or run her home!!!

20 months between me and DB we really do NOT get on - whereas between me and DS is 10 years and we are very close I love her to pieces and tell her everything we talk everyday I could not imagine being without her - DB I can leave or take

thanks pg, its certainly hard to find a loving relationship and we do get on in so many other ways, it just really hurt when he said that the other day but I can see your point. DD was 4yo when we met so he's never had a 'baby'.

My hormones are crazy at the minute.

thanks for the advice ladies