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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Mum guilt due to failing relationship number 2

2 replies

PurpleJanuary · 13/09/2018 09:35

Hi everyone, I have made an account as I don't know where else to turn - I don't have any "Mum friends" and my own parents i'm not that close to.

Cutting a really long story "short":
When my little boy (now just turned 6) was around 9 months old I split up with his Dad, (totally mutual decision) who has increasingly detatched himself from my sons life as he's grown a new family to the point it's looking as though court will be involved ect ect. but this means that my son hasn't seen his Dad in a long time , who he adores, and this really bothers him (and in turn upsets me too).

Soon after my relationship with his Dad ended, I formed a new relationship which has been going 4 and a half years. However this relationship is slowly breaking down. We broke up at Christmas for about 2 weeks because I was tired and worn down being the one that always makes the effort, as he doesn't do anything to show me he loves me anymore really, and after a discussion last week it looks like this relationship is going the same way as nothing has changed since our break up. We own a house together and although it has taken a while as he isn't a natural when it comes to children him and my son have a really close bond.

Bascially I feel horrendous guilt towards my son as I know if we split up it will break his heart. I feel like i'm ruining his life through my own actions and decisions in life to end relationships and I feel like a worthless Mother because i'm putting him through so much crap at such a young age.

Does anyone else have any experience with something similar? Don't mean to sound too dramatic but I feel sick inside at the thought of hurting him. He will loose my partners Mum & Dad too who regularly care for him before/after school while we work.

Thank-you

OP posts:
Holidayfromreal · 13/09/2018 09:46

Onwards and upwards OP. If the relationship has failed it's failed there isn't much more to say on the subject. Your son will be fine just concentrate on him. No men for a good long while would be my advice. I have had 2 friends go through similar one saw how damaging it was for her DC and stayed single for years so she could focus on them and guarantee stability and one continued to flit relationship to relationship, some a few months the longest 2 years. The latter ones kids suffered IMO. Kids need stability above all else so focus on that and I'm sure he will be fine

PurpleJanuary · 13/09/2018 10:44

Thank-you. I 100% agree. Children thrive on stability and thats all that I have ever wanted for him. I didn't have the most stable upbringing so I wanted this for him. I feel sad that the relationship has come to this as I still love my partner dearly but some times you just to have to accept when things are not working and move on if you've tried everything I suppose.

OP posts:
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