Should I ask ex for career advice or leave well enough alone?

[YellowShoes1]

Morning everyone,

I dated a guy for about 3 months ending early this year. We got on really well but it didn't work out as he lived about 2 hours away and had an extremely demanding job.

He ended it kindly and I accepted this calmly, haven't been in touch at all and have been online dating since although I haven't met anyone 'special'.

7 months later, I would like to retrain in his field (I have been considering this seriously for years and it's now or never, nothing to do with him!).

I am seeking advice from everyone I know in the field as it's a big commitment and for several reasons, his would be a really useful brain to pick!

Would it be a terrible idea to get in touch and ask for his advice?

I'm absolutely not looking for a way back in but have to admit it would hurt a bit to hear if he's now in a relationship (I know it's now been twice as long as the relationship itself; I'm over him, he just made an impression as we got on so well).

I also don't want to risk looking like a stalker as he was the one to end things!

Would it be better to leave well alone or should I swallow my pride as he would be a really useful contact to speak to? FWIW i don't think he'd begrudge me his advice, we did end on good terms and he liked talking about his work.

Thanks!

Leave it , use google instead

Most people like an ego stroke, so I don’t think it’ll be badly received if it’s clear what you’re after in the first message to him.

Ask him - just keep the conversation totally professional, friendly and away from any sensitive topics.

I don’t see it as a problem.

I don't see a problem. Just ask him. It'll be clear from your conversation that you don't want anything other than career advice from him.

No.... I wouldn't as I'd fear he thought it might just be an excuse to get in touch & I wouldn't want to feed his ego!!

He ended it kindly, it’s been months and you haven’t been constantly messaging, he likes discussing his work, I really don’t see why not. Just promise yourself you won’t ask about his personal life unless he asks about yours first.

That's something that puts me off, Dilly , I 've never really talked about how interested I am in this career as I didn't want to be all talk and not do it, so I feel a bit embarrassed that he might think it's an excuse to get in touch!

So what if he thinks it's an excuse? With business and work you have to swallow your pride and do what needs to be done. He may think it's an excuse but when he sees that you have a job in his field he'll realise that it wasn't an excuse.