Should I ask him to give me another chance?

[Sonjing]

Hi all, I'd love to hear some opinions on a situation I am currently dealing with.

8 months ago I ended a 5 years long relationship that had run its course. It was a relatively amicable split, although still painful of course. I now have a great life with a demanding career, lots of friends and social activities and no DC.

A few months later I started dipping my toes into dating, and a few ONSs and unsuccessful first dates, I met a guy I really clicked with. He was such an amazing man! We started dating regularly, and for the first couple of months I really liked him and felt open to the possibility of starting a new relationship with him.

Then I went through a stressful period with work (I travel a lot for work) and I got carried away with other stuff and I focused on other stuff. I always struggle with keeping in touch every day and I am not great at texting. He sensed this change and tried to bring up the topic a couple of times, and I reassured him that all was well.

But deep down inside, I was starting to think that maybe I didn't really want to start a new relationship. I started having doubts on whether this guy was the right person for me. I did not want to hurt his feelings, so I didn't know what to do.

Then one day, after 3 months of dating, I received a text from him, seemingly out of the blue, saying "Hi Sonjing, I really enjoyed spending time with you but I think we want different things. I wish you all the best".

This happened 2 weeks ago. Initially I was relieved, as that meant I did not have the responsibility to end it with him myself and potentially break his heart. I replied back "I understand, I enjoyed spending time with you too, yada yada".

But since then, I have become obsessed with this guy. I can't stop thinking about him. I worry I made a mistake letting him go and that I sabotaged a potentially great relationship just because I was afraid. I feel desperate to see him one more time. I wonder what he is up to, and if he is already seeing someone else. Ironically, I feel rejected, even though I was the one sabotaging the whole thing.

Surely if I did not like him enough I wouldn't be so obsessed now? Should I get in touch and ask him to give me another chance? Or is it best to just leave it? Have I blown it?

Please help

So he tried to bring up your lack of interest a few times and you “reassured him” (sounds more like brushing off his concerns to me), you didn’t bother to keep in touch when it suited you, you didn’t want him when you had him, and now he’s chosen to end things you’ve decided you do want him?

As gently as possible, it’s not about you. You didn’t listen when he tried to address it, and don’t respect his choice to end things.

Leave it and move on.

No you shouldn't. We read the other side of this all the time, and it does the other person's head in. You don't really want this guy, you just want the security of having him around. Let it go.

He sounds like a nice guy and you sound like you aren’t ready for a relationship.

This is not so unusual, this is your ego speaking because you were feeling meh about the relationship up until he called time. Rejection has a funny habit of bringing out the ‘wait, why am I not worthy and I’ll show you how worthy I am’ deranged monster in the best of us. You can dish it out but you’re not so good on being on the receiving end, even though he was a lot nicer about it.

Learn from this and move on, pursuing him at this point would be all about your ego.

No please leave him alone.

Your first reaction when he finished things was relief, so trust that instinct. If you really liked him you would not been in contact with him more. It’s not fair on him to ask him to give you another chance.

Sorry that should have read : you would have been in contact more.

I know you guys are right and that I should let it go. It is just so bloody hard

It wasn't that hard when he was around.

I'm not trying to be mean, but do you prefer the idea rather than the actualitie?

I sabotaged a potentially great relationship just because I was afraid.

Afraid? You sabotaged it because you couldn't be bothered by the sounds of the rest of your post. Leave him alone

You didn't know what you wanted, so you can't expect him to coast along while you decided. He made the decision to end it. You have to accept that and let him get what he wants from any future relationships.

You weren't that into him. Leave him be and find someone you are into.

I think you were probably not really into him and now feel sad cos he obviously was a nice guy. But I think you best leave him be.