Am I high maintenance?

[melonposies12]

I was dating someone at the end of November until the end February this year, he never called things off. Instead he just avoided me and ignored me. It’s come out now that he thought I was going to be high maintenance.

Everyone I know says I’m not high maintenance but it’s now making me wonder if I am and that’s why I never get any further than a second date ?

Could I be coming across like this and not realise ?

You got further than a second date if you were seeing him for 4 months.

I don’t think anyone sees themselves as high maintenance so you could well be but not know it. What do you think made him see you that way? If your friends who’ve known you longer than this guy think you’re lovely then I wouldn’t worry too much about what a short term ex thinks. But if there are specific issues you want to address then that’s okay.

What does high maintenance even mean?

Hard for us to say, OP, as we don't know you. Are you the sort of person who needs constant attention, reassurance, dinner dates, compliments, texts, phone calls, presents, flowers, chocs? Someone who can't bear criticism? People having to walk on eggshells?

I’m not the type of person who asks for flowers, cholcoates or material things. I like to come home from work and put my pyjamas on and watch tv and curl up with a book.

I just like to know where I stand and what’s going on. I don’t like being strung along for months not knowing what directions it’s heading in partly because I’ve learnt that time is too precious.

In the last three years I’ve lost my dad, my gran and my aunt and my grandad is now slowly leaving us.
Losing these people has made me realise that I don’t want to play games or be messed around and I think he just didn’t want to put effort in.

I’ll admit I do sometimes get a bit worried and over think things but I’ve gotten better with it and have worked on this.

My biggest critic is myself and I like to take criticism and turn in into positive by improving on things.

Do you know what he meant when he said ‘high maintenance’?

I think it's one of those expressions that has different meanings for different people.

This dude was cowardly and immature - he ghosted someone he'd been seeing for four months. I hardly think he is someone you should take life advice from!

Don't let him inside your head - he "thought you would be high maintenance"?? That's the sort of crap men pull out when they aren't grown up enough to say " she wouldn't let me have casual sex when it suited me". Forget his assessment of your character.

If you are really interested in doing some soul searching, a) ask someone who knows you well, and b) look at actual evidence from your life. Do you have a track record of:

Falling out with friends because they "let you down"?
Having to leave jobs because "your boss had it in for you"?
Saying things like "family should always back you up, no matter what", "I want a man who treats me like a princess" or "you should be able to rely on your friends for anything, day or night"?

If not, you're probably not high maintenance :)

I think the point is that this person dated you for four months and then blanked you without a word. Whether you are high maintenance or not, the problem is him - not you. Chin up. Well rid. 💐

Who cares what he thinks?

He's a rude, immature, cowardly idiot who ghosted you and then was horrid about you. Why even question yourself over the opinion of someone who treats a woman like that?

I hope the Schadenfreude types don't land on this post advising you to question & doubt yourself over how this dickhead defined you. He's not the spokesperson or blueprint of every man, thankfully.

You had a lucky escape
Life goes on.

He sounds like a turd OP.

Throw the high maintenance bogroll on him and flush flush fucking flush!

Well I’m in two minds here as I know what a head fuck some people are and how insecure they can make you feel. However someone close to me was with a wonderful girl but she sent reams of text messages throughout the day and got extremely angry if they were not answered immediately. Text messsges then turned into character assassinations detailing his many, in her mind faults, and then being in a complete strop when they met up. Social media is very intrusive on a daily basis. Quarrels, however petty, escalate throughout the day.

I would think he’s just not “felt” it between you and used high maintenance as the get out, rather than the kinder “it’s not you, it’s me” conversation.

Don’t give it any more headspace - he’s not thinking about it anymore and you shouldn’t either.

Men call women 'high maintenance' when they can't be bothered being a partner to your emotional and physical needs. Unless you were really a dictator, sounds like he just wanted something casual with someone who would make no demands on him (typical) and ran off when it got too hard