I cannot be lonely any longer

[VeetTheFockers]

I have known I have been lonely for a very long time, but it has only just dawned on me how it has affected me as a person and how desperate it has made me.

I have always been shy and reserved, only in last few years finding myself breaking out of my shell more. My relationship is the first and foremost cause of this loneliness. 27 years of it. Although, a good relationship at the beginning, I can see where things went wrong. Is it normal to know and live with someone so long and they are consistently at work until unreasonable times having left at 5 in the morning? The word consistently is key. Having a child, I was left alone still. Years of this have led me to act desperately. I crave love, but not from him now. His actions and keeping tabs on me have lead to me not forming friendships .

May be a stupid question (and I apologise if it is) but have you spoken to him about this?

I have spoken to him so many times, but the answer is always he has to work.

Do you have good quality time together when he's not at work?

Do you enjoy each other's company?

If he's at work a lot because he needs to be then it's a different issue than him avoiding you because your relationship is not up to scratch.

Do you love him? What do you mean by him keeping tabs on you?

Your post is a bit vague but with a bit more info, I'm sure you'll get some good advice on here x

I know that sort of loneliness. It is crushing. Do you still want to be with your husband? If you don't want affection from him, what's stopping you leaving?
27 years. That's longer than a life sentence. What would you like your life to look in 5 yrs time?

No we don't have time together very often on our own. If we do it feels strange.

He is at work because he needs to be. I do work full time myself.

Do I love him? Of course I care and I did love him that way, but not now. I do not fancy him anymore. No, the relationship is not up to scratch, but that is not solely my fault.

By keeping tabs, I mean being stuck at home with daughter for years on end, no flexibility to return to work until last few years. A webcam set up to watch me in house. Texts when I go out by myself. Suspicious looks if I want to go out on my own followed by texts.

What is stopping me from leaving? Not a high enough salary. Child would not take it well. Being alone, even though I am really anyway. The thought of how we used to be. The fear that no one else will want me.

He spies on you via webcam... what the hell!!!! Ok. Your relationship issues are not issues. He is abusing you. He is controlling your movements. You really do need to leave. How can it be good for your child to see this relationship between you and your husband? What are you teaching her about relationships?

How old is your child? What’s your financial situation? You need to get out! Pick that webcam up and put it in the bloody bin! Don’t stand for it.

Webcam went ages ago as soon as i found it. That was when I lost any feelings. I am so wary of saying too much on here. I think I need to talk to someone in private.