Totally gone off sex

[sweetjane]

Love my dh to bits but just can't muster up any enthusiasm, in fact I think I am going off it more and more as time goes on. Ds is 5 months now and have only had sex twice in that time and not for ages and both times it was rubbish, to put it bluntly (of course did not tell dh that!)

I'm sure I'm not alone in feeling like this! Did anyone out there manage to overcome it and HOW??

Hi sweetjane. I really do feel for you because I've been there too.....I had my youngest daughter three years ago now and went off sex altogether for some months afterwards. You had your ds 5mths ago - that's not very long y'know!! I lost all enthusiasm because I was permanently knackered and once my head hit that pillow I was in the land of nod! Also the birth with my DD was so traumatic (endless hours of labour) it left me in a pretty awful physical state and I felt very un-sexy!

I wouldn't worry about it - it does come back eventually and providing you've got an understanding dh you'll be fine..! xx

Apparently it can take 2 years to come back. My DD is 16 months and the thought of sex makes me feel really strange...! My DP is not the most tolerant person on the world and he doesnt understand how I feel - fancy him and love him like mad but just can't get going. You are not alone!!

Thanks guys. I can't even claim tiredness tbh cos there have been plenty of times we could have done it and I wasn't tired. I don't even want to kiss or anything, it makes me feel weird!

barney2.. dh is understanding to a point but I think he is getting fed up and I know if it was the other way around I would feel very rejected.

Hiya again....right I'm gonna be honest here....and please don't laugh at me cos it ain't funny!!!!....My youngest dd is just over 3 years old and I can count on one hand how many times my dh and I have had sex.....it's not that I don't think about it and he does mention it from time to time but tbh the desire just isn't there anymore. We rarely cuddle/kiss and if I do go to kiss him he gets the wrong idea and thinks his luck is in and that REALLY annoys me and has the adverse affect - ie I walk away! PLUS!!!....I just can't shift my 'baby bulge' tummy and it doesn't exactly make me feel very attractive.

It's ok - seriously, I have a friend who's youngest is 9, and they haven't done it at all since, same reason, she just doesn't fancy it.

ok confession time dd is 17months and we have done it twice
I too have stopped all kissing etc, and it is so hard, I do love dp, but have lost all desire to have sex.

Do we really think that our relationship can last long term withoutsex? I think it can if both parties agree, but my dp is only 26, and I feel so sad about it all.

We have tried everything, including counselling etc.

yes its strange, i wonder why this happens, its kind of sad too i miss having sex with my partner et at the same i have no desire to do it either its so contradictory isnt it. I think it has many emotional reasons, something to do with the way you view yourself now as a mother, your body has changed, your energy levels are different, your whole being has shifted, for me though my kids are two and i feel i really need to get a grip because i want that part back, im startin g to go to the gym to get my fitness levels up and to get some confidence back...maybe that will work...plus its me time

I have been there.
I had been off sex for 5 years prior to this, it is nearly a miracle we managed to conceive our youngest (now 2), as even the thought of sex would make me cringe. I would climax now and then, just couldnt muster up the energy to have sex.

Now I have the opposite problem. I started a new diet before Easter, it have given me so much energy, and I have lost a stone, and now I have found my youthful libido and more... To my husbands great happyness, I initiate sex every day,and we have it around 5 times a week. In addition, I have bought my self a couple of sex toys, so I guess, the average week now, I have sex 7-9 times. I just cant get enough...

If you have just had a baby, and your body is still adjusting, finding the energy for sex is really hard. Also the fact that you have just recently had this little person coming out "through there" and it can seem sore, or you worry it is sore, or if you will tear again (if you had vaginal delivery, and especially if you tore). Give your self time, dont stress too much about it, and consider changing your diet if not BF, and relax.

and to clarify, by BF I meant Breastfeeding, not boyfriend....

I've been libidinously-challenged for years. Some times more than others. Right now I think I could happily have it sown up . Youngest is 4 and it's getting worse. But I think that there are lots of factors other than simply having a new baby.

thanks milky chocolate thats given me even more reson to get down that gym i'm very sure its my weight gain that has led to my lack of interest in sex. After having twins i hardly ever found the time to eat properly i constantly ate quick fixes to give me a quick boost and as a consequence the weight just piled on, so now enough is enough i too want to get m sex life back...sex is good and i do miss it,

Sometimes I crave for the life I had prior to children, although don't get me wrong I do love my two daughters....but pre-children my husband and I were at it like bunnies - twice in one night sometimes - we had more energy, more time to ourselves, more money, peace and quiet etc etc - I know it probably sounds really selfish but I do miss 'me time' - and by the time I've got the two of them into bed and I head for bed myself I just love to sit with a book and enjoy the peace and quiet....not the thought of having sex, cuddling, kissing - my dh is understanding but I know how much he misses it - being a healthy young man that he is! I'm lucky because he doesn't really bring the subject up and I know it is down to me - he would need no encouragement whatsoever! I did have a very traumatic time having my second child (the youngest one) and tore inside and out and have never been the same again down in 'that' area.

Whilst most men are very understanding I do think they expect us women to simply jump back into bed and continue having the sex life we had before, after having had babies - we go through so much to produce their children!

No one tells you this do they?! My MW was round with contraception advice when ds was about 3 weeks old. I restrained myself from laughing in her face! Thing is I was fine when I was pg.

We are off to stay with dh's parents who live in Italy next week, am hoping a holiday might help...!

I was not fine, at all, when I was pregnant. I have found it to be really hormonal though - it got loads better since I started ovulating again. I (for medical reasons) bottle feed my 6 month old, but ovulation can be quite delayed I think in breastfeeding mothers. It is also inhibited by the pill, etc.

I also lost the baby weight quite quickly - but this is not usual, and I realise that it helps and I am lucky. I guess it may be an advantage of having ended up with a section, however disappointing that was at the time. Feeling good about yourself helps - whatever that takes. An outfit that fits, a glass of wine, a morning in bed...