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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Feel like relationship is ending and its my fault

4 replies

sabrina1234 · 11/09/2018 11:00

Me and my bf have been through so much together and have always managed to pull through and it make us stronger but recently things seem like they're at absolute breaking point.
So the situation is this: a couple of months back me and my boyfriend broke up because he was a really nasty person. He would hit me, threaten to cheat on me then he did and was just very controlling then after a year of him acting like that I finally walked out on him. But he came back and he actually changed and has been the best person ever and Literarily everything I wanted him to be. But the thing is since he has been back I just go at him for petty things and cause arguments which he has put up with really well and told me hell always be here which he has. He says that it upsets him that I act like that towards him and I've explained that it's because of the hurt he's put me through even though it doesn't make it right, but that he'd have to be patient because I've still not healed from it. I know it's not right the way I'm acting and I feel like he's fed up now which upsets me even though at this point it's my fault. Recently I've been through an abortion and I'm so incredibly upset about that, that it's just made things worse and more intense till the point where he said he doesn't feel anything towards me anymore and that he's fed up of how I've been acting. This is making me feel worse and I just don't know what to do.

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 11/09/2018 11:10

Don't carry on with him, he hit you so you should never have gone back. End it properly

Loopytiles · 11/09/2018 11:12

He was abusive. Should you stay together he would be highly likely to become abusive in the future. The relationship ending would be primarily because of his past abuse of you, and your (good) intuition not to trust him.

MMmomDD · 11/09/2018 11:39

OP - read your post.
It’s like you have a Stockholm syndrome. Otherwise I can’t explain why you would get back together with someone who hit you and otherwise abused you for a year.
And now - feel guilty over not being able to put it past you.

Please - seek help. This isn’t healthy and you need to understand and deal with what is drawing you back to this.
And, hopefully, this will help you break this cycle.

Abusers don’t change. Unless he had intense therapy, or a personality transplant.

Bluecloudyskies · 11/09/2018 11:43

You need a fresh start love.

Getting back with an ex is like putting shit back in your arsehole, it’s over and done with for a reason - never a truer word said.

Plus he was a twat last time, he shouldn’t have had a second chance

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