my hubby cheated

[kkkazza]

My hubby cheated on me a year ago with a young girl from work. I caught him out by finding my old mobile phone. His reasons for the affaire were flirting that went to far. He claims that he didnt even fancy her.The thing is i cant get over it, there hasn't been a day thats gone by since i found out that i haven't thought about it. It controls my every thought. Just as soon as i manage to get one thought out of my head another one comes along, i feel like im going mad.

no advice but really feel for you.
Do you think you can work it out?
i wouldnt be able to forgive - it would spell the end for me, but thats just me.

Hope you get some good advice first.

first? i meant SOON

I don't know i would like to think so.But how i dont know. I always though that if he cheated that would be it but now im there it's not that easy.

sounds like you may need counselling or something like that to learn how to deal with the hurt and how to move on?

(easy for me to say as have only recently found out about my H's affair and it still consumes my every moment.)

but I think after a year you need to find some way to move on. either with or without him...

If i thought for a moment that i would still be sitting here a year later still going over and over it i think i would have walked away in the begining but when you love someone you always like to think that you will beable to cope with it some how.I think i would have been able to cope with it better if it had ended when i found out or if he had told me himself. I think im only battleing now coz i caught him out

if you love him and want to be with him you can get through it

but I really do think you need some support or help with how to deal with the hurt.

there's a few people on here who's husbands have had affairs and they have managed to get over it - hopefully someone wiser will be along soon xx

Have you really talked about it with him?
Do you feel you know everything you need to know?
Have you discussed why it happened (ie what was going on at the time)
have you been for counselling?

tbh I think until you properly address the causes and he sees what he has done and is truly sorry then I don't see how you can move on

We did think about counselling but the waitng list was so long so it kinda went out the window.I do believe he is sorry but i also think that it would have continued if i hadn't found out. When i have spoke to him about it all he can say is it was flirting that went to far and that he as always loved me and that he doesn't know why he did it.

Hi I have survived this. You can learn to not let your feelings rule your life, there is something called overthinking. It is hard but you can train yourself to only think about these awful things for a certain amount of time.

A councellor would definitly help and would be able to give you some other tips.

Only you can decide whether this is going to rule your life.

Lots of people have terrible things happen to them and somehow they get throuh it all. We cannot control the terrible things that happen but we can control how it effects us.

You can get over this but i think that after a year you may need some help.

What a terrible waste if this is what defines your life.

Good luck - you can do this it is not easy but worth it.

kkk it is almost exactly a year since I found out about the OW and unfortunately her baby (MY DH) is due in few weeks - I feel the same as you some days I feel I am going mad it still consumes my almost every thought (someone here mentioned torturing myself and that is exactly what it is) - no advice just tons of empathy I know how you feel - but I am going to get some counselling just me (DH and I doing Relate)I feel like I need to sort me out though seperate from our relationship - but we have to pay for it not available on NHS

relate - honestly it is really good. Will help you feel he has acknowledged it and give you what you need to move on.

relate

Thankyou for all your advice i think i will have to get some help. I do over think but i can't seem to stop it, it seem to have a hold over me.

Good luck

You really can control your thinking - it is hard at first but it must worth a try - what you are doing at the moment is not helping is it.

Has he 'got over it'?
Is he good at helping you to get over it? Sometimes if you feel that what you are feeling is not being acknowledged it can make you feel worse as you think that you are 'silly' for still feeling like this and you try and bury it again.

Dont let anyone tell you are silly for feeling like this - you have every right to the way you feel. But if it is affecting your life then you must know you need to get past this and move on.

Maybe you didnt do enough at the time, if you supress anger it can often come back later.

I think you can deal with this now and be able to move on.

Good luck - it will not be easy but it will get easier.

I dont feel silly for the way i feel but i do feel terrible for making him feel the way he does.I know he his truly sorry for what he has done to us.Every time he see's me hurting i can see that it his killing him also.If i could just understand why it happened, i find it hard to believe that it was flirting that went to far i feel that if he truly loved me it would never have happened. He says that he as always loved me and was happy and i always thought everything was more than ok in our marrage at the time.So did every one else eg family, friends work mates. Everyone was in shock, no one saw it coming.Ive rang relate up and they have put me on the waiting list. I need help coming to terms with it