How do you deal with being only a mom?

[Unsuitablelake]

Good day, sweethearts!
Like in the title- how do deal being moms 24/7? its been the 6th year sitting at home. I dont have anybody to talk to in daytime. its just , i dont even know how to explail. Its not what i though its gonna be when im gonna be a mom. Dont get me wrong, my kids are my life. But I feel so tired. I havent had a holifay since they were born, because we couldnt afford it. all our money goes for kids and their needs. It was good before , but then my husband was made reduntant and just took the first jobs he could get. and now he got his dream job, and in still here. i dont have any dreams or talents. i feel like i took the mothers rool too early. I wish that i would had been smarter. i thought- Oh lets have three kids close toghether. and they will be close later in life. but i feel like a failure. I have so much envy towards my husband. he get to go outside every day. and im still here. have nothing to show my self for except my 'fertility' lol. im battling my deppression for a year now, but its just doesnt seem to work. What can i do? how can i find strengt to go forward and do something with my life ? Thanks for reading this, any advice would be really appretiated.

Take up a volunteering role or a hobby that you can do whilst your children are at school? Sign up with an agency and take on some part-time temping work?

How old are the children now? Are they in school or nursery?

What's your weekly routine line?

Does DH help with the kids and house?

My children are 6, 3 and 1year old. Oldest is in second grade, 3 year old is 15h per week at school. and 1year old is clingy and all day along i have to be with him. When we go outside, he is cranky and cries or middle sister doesnt want to walk next to me and screams when i hold her arm.

I found being at home just being a stay at home mum very isolating. I went and got a job. Just part time but best thing I ever did. Just being at home does nothing good for my mental state and I get depressed and overthink stuff.

My DH helps with the house and kids and im so tankful, he really is a good man. Its just , to be honest i dont know why im complaining, reading now my texts make me feel like im not greatfull. Its just maybe the routine. and we dont talk much when at home. i just miss me, my old me, if you know what i mean. ive been noticing, that i have been drinking much more ofter this year(not like every other day but still) when he comes home there are days when im drinking 2-3 mixes with wiskey and cocacola.

Hang in there. Yours are still tiny. U found this stage so hard andit will get easier

I honestly couldn’t do it. Maternity leave was enough of four walls and socialising predominantly with other mothers. I work full time (half from home); admittedly fewer hours would be nice but it’s better than not.

and the thing is we have never been on a date. when we got toghether i had a one year old. and its been like that every day-with kids. all day long, thats why im blaming my self, i should of done something before i got pregnant. its hard now. i dont have any dreams, i didnt had then but maybe if i wouldnt rushed i would find my dream. and now i feel like like its too late. and i want to cry, sometimes i do when no one is watching to keep off the edge. i dont want to annoy my husband being deprresed. and crying.

1year old is clingy and all day along i have to be with him. If you can afford even a few hours a week, it might be worth trying childcare. He'll cry and they'll comfort. He will get better. Alt lots of playgroups whilst 3 yo is in nursery. Sit him beside you playing then move on to a chair etc. It will do him and you good. Speak to people t here, find someone who fancies a Saturday coffee whilst DH watched the kids.

When we go outside, he is cranky and cries buggy, straps and walk. Face you if possible. Sing, pull faces and keep walking. He has to learn to go outside. Rain cover over if he hates the wind. Even your phone on playing nursery rhymes if necessary. But get out.
or middle sister doesnt want to walk next to me and screams when i hold her arm.
Reins. If she won't hold your hand nicely, she goes on reins. They do cute backpacks with a strap so she can be a big girl and wear her bag with her snack in and walk without holding hands but she is safe. Or a buggy board. Or a double buggy.

Just getting out for more than school run will help.
So you talk to the other parents at nursery? Would any of those fancy a coffee in the two hour gap? back at yours or coffee shop.

As for the rest of your life, I'm assuming your fairly young so there's plenty of time for that.

What qualifications did you leave school with? If it wasn't GCSE English and Maths grade C or above look into adult education to get your level 2. Evenings once DH is home or weekends. You'll meet adults, you'll work towards your employability and you'll feel better about yourself

i just tried to talk with my husband and he got offended, and went to sleep in the living room.

PP- i will reply to you tomorrow, i a bit too sad tonight.

Hugs "💐💐

and the thing is we have never been on a date.

So premusably he prefers it like that? Otherwise he'd be with a single wo/man who prefers dating before a relationship ie 99% of the population

Your idealizing how wonderful it would be to have a full time job. I'm sure your husband doesn't find his job to be a holiday. But I can understand staying at home all the time would be dreary. That's up to you to fix.

It's an amazing important job to raise children! You are raising the future humans of society. Society is made up of people and mothers are who make those people who they are. Who teach them everything and give them confidence and security. You are not just sitting at home you are actively raising members of the next generation which is a noble job. Society doesn't necessarily value jobs without pay but what you are doing is more important than most jobs I can think of. You had the goal of raising 3 children so they would be close. Don't lose sight of that goal. You can make their childhood a happy, memorable one. You can give the home a calm loving atmosphere which will benefit the whole family. Remember you are doing a job and you can put your effort and talents into it. You can cook good food for your family which will nourish them. You can listen to your kids stories and make them feel important. You can work hard to keep your house clean so when they come back from their days they feel a sense of home and comfort. All these things are such important things of which your family is relying on you for and are amazing things in themselves xxx

Is there any way to get involved with your child's school?

You are "doing something with your life " already. Please see that. You must stop drinking though otherwise you will lose e everything. Search on you tube for "homemaker" videos and You can find other stay at home mum's who can give you renewed motivation about your role and you can turn your role as a stay at home mum into something your passionate about doing well and proud of. Look now you have a one year old so you need to concentrate on that. Your kids have one childhood, do you want them to remember you as someone who was depressed and lacked motivation or someone who loved being a mum and looking after the family? When your children all start school maybe you could do something else which is "just for you " and you could think now about what that might be, what your interests are etc but j think now you should concentrate on your kids as they have only one childhood and it's all in your hands how good you make it and how you want to remember these precious years. They grow up fast and one day you will miss these years and wish you had embraced them.

I did it for a year and it drove me nuts. It felt like my brain was dying. In the short term, start going to parent and toddler groups. These were a lifesaver for me. They got me out of the house and I made some really good friends. When the youngest is older you can start looking for voluntary or paid work in your chosen field. This feeling will pass - so have a plan for when you’re ready.

No real advice but just wanted to let you know that you're not alone. Being a SAHM isn't all I thought it would be either.
I have 2DC's (21 months and 8 months) and being in constant demand plus trying to keep the home looking respectable is a tough job. But you have to remember exactly that, you may not be getting paid for it, but it's a job nonetheless and a bloody difficult and tiring one at that!

I often go through phases of being envious of my DP for being able to leave the house every day without children in tow, bags upon bags of baby stuff etc, getting to have conversations with other adults about anything other than children! Being a mother - let alone a stay at home mother - is, I think, one of the hardest jobs out there.
A lot of men (including my DP) that I've spoken to about the 'what's harder, working or staying home with the kids' debate - 99% of them have said that working is so, so much easier.
Give yourself a pat on the back for doing it as long as you have done. Maybe speak to your husband and see if he'll take the kids out for a few hours each weekend just so you can have some time to yourself to either browse some shops, grab a quick coffee, or even just to have a bath in peace.
I've found I'm a lot less tense if I manage to get a couple of hours 'me time', it really does make all the difference

It is a tough time imo
I was cornered finqncially and felt i had no identity.
Reading books impossible but listening to audio books v helpful.

You’re not only a mum. You are a person that matters too.
Start doing little things for yourself.
Listen to a radio station you like while you’re at home during the day.
Look at what your local library has to offer. They often do free rhyme time and other sessions where your little one can still sit on your lap.
Do you go to any playgroups?
Do you get any time to yourself?
See if your local college has any courses you could attend in the future. Maybe something will inspire you.

You already know the drinking is not helping.

Thanks all! Im feeling much better today. I do have one thinh i would like to do- its 3D modeling. I want to finish my game what i started to create in May. When my husband comes home and i still have energy i do and make 3d assets for the game. It takes my mind off. I would like to be a 3d artist but it takes a lot of time abd practice, and i dont have a lot of time.

You dont need to be one tomorrow tho. Pencil in times a few times a week - if older ones at school and little one naps like clockwork or evening and weekends when DH can help or kids are asleep. Make it clear to DH that it's really important to you and you need his support. Then do it for fun and satisfaction and see where it goes x

you should do it, it's important to do something that fuels your soul.