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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Dh had affair (one night stand) 10 years ago

8 replies

purple8dragon · 10/09/2018 21:13

I recently found out that dh sleep with another woman -10 years ago. A year before our first child was born, and in fact the week we moved into our first house together. We were young (me 18, him,21) and he went out and had unprotected sex in the toilet of a pub.

In the years following he has text other women ranging from friendly to saying he could show them what a real man is (after they complained about their partner)

As far as I know he hasn't done anything in years. We now have 4 children ranging from 9-2 and if I found out he cheated now I would leave immediately. It must send different as it was a long time ago. I do feel he has grown up but am I just being naive?

I know I need to either forgive or leave, but it's so hard. I do forgive I think but it's so hard to just forget

OP posts:

HollowTalk · 10/09/2018 21:15

I'd find it so hard to trust him. He sounds as though he acted on impulse the first time but the texts indicate a certain amount of planning.

AlwaysSleepy1 · 10/09/2018 21:17

How did you find out? I think it depends on whether he came clean and admitted everything?

C0untDucku1a · 10/09/2018 21:20

How did you find out?

Pittcuecothecookbook · 10/09/2018 21:21

Is he sorry? Or blasé?

Secretsquirrel101 · 10/09/2018 21:23

Oh how horrible for you I’m sorry for what you’re going through
How did you find out? How has he reacted since you found out? How long has it been since he last contacted her?

Butterymuffin · 10/09/2018 21:23

The texts make it sound more like he does this when he thinks there's an opportunity, sorry. How sure could you be he wouldn't do it now?

ivykaty44 · 10/09/2018 21:24

If he’s texting woman to show them a good time I would consider he’s cheating - he’s looking for sex and for the 10 knock backs he gets he’ll get one or two up for it

Original poster

purple8dragon · 10/09/2018 21:32

I knew about the texting as it happened. Every since I've struggled to trust him. I called his bluff and said, I have found out something, would you like to tell me anything and he told me. He was very sorry etc etc and promised it would never have happened again. It's so hard as if I'd found out at the time I'd have left him 100% but it's been years and we have children and the last time (as far as I know) he has text anyone was over 5 years ago.

OP posts:

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