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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Toxic Narcissist Ex Stalking Me

36 replies

Ta77Blonde · 10/09/2018 14:32

Hey ladies,
Me again!
My son asked me on Fri was I in my exs car. I said no way. He told me that the ex drove past his bus stop several times on Friday with a new blonde in the car, hence my son thinking it was me.
This was like getting stabbed in the chest several times but I never showed my emotion to my son.
Then a friend messaged me saying shes seen him with a new woman. I immediately said I don't want to hear this as it literally hurts. Then I see, and I don't know why as I have blocked him on my phone that his new WhatsApp profile is of the two of them.

Now it may hurt like hell and I know hes doing it to hurt me and flaunt her in front of me. This shows me, 1 that he is using her and 2 has a new woman.

I have already reported him to the police for harassment, and have just again as my child is involved but how can I stop the dizzy feeling and stabbing feeling in my body?

OP posts:
Original poster
Ta77Blonde · 10/09/2018 17:45

I also avoid my usual routine. To avoid him at all costs

OP posts:
Anon90 · 10/09/2018 17:54

Hi OP. I am very sorry you are going through this and i completely know what you mean. Ive been stalked in this manner and it is horrid as you cant prove it.

Do you have evidence? And how long ago was the last incident wrt the abuse youve described in the relationship? Was any of it ever reported?

My concern for you applying for a NMO is that you need evidence, evidence of the abuse in the relationship will help, but if there has been some time without incident, its unlikely you will get a NMO because he will simply say that he has a new relationship, which is why hes been in the area.

If you get declined by the court, he WILL tell everyine that you have done this out of jelousy over his new relationship.

He could also make an undertaking that he won't actually contact you, and then skirt around on the edge of not breaking his undertaking, which will be even worse for you mentally.

Original poster
Ta77Blonde · 10/09/2018 18:22

Once years ago in the middle of the relationship he caused bruises on my arms and chest which I reported to my gp, I also went for an std exam as he slept with someone behind my back. All recorded with my gp. I can obtain emails and texts showing abuse and I have a video of an argument. His daughter unfortunately who is 10years old said to me "what my Daddy is doing to you is called domestic abuse as I learned about it in school" .... 10 years old!

OP posts:
Original poster
Ta77Blonde · 11/09/2018 11:04

I have an appointment with a solicitor at 2pm today! Cant believe I have to go down this route.

OP posts:
PlinkPlink · 11/09/2018 11:29

Some people are so fucked up OP. This is no reflection on you or anything you 'might have done'. This man is clearly very very messed up and needs not only to be sent a clear message, he needs help with his mental well being.

That doesn't excuse his behaviour at all. It merely gives you an explanation and a reason.

You have done the right thing and an incredibly brave one. It's not an extreme thing to do. You are merely sending a clear cut message to him. You are protecting yourself and ensuring your safety for the future just in case his behaviour escalates.

Let us know how it goes.

Original poster
Ta77Blonde · 11/09/2018 11:57

Thank you. I just cant believe I have to go through this channel to get him to leave me be. I have known for a while that he is a narcissistic sociopath and abuser but I just have Ostrich syndrome and want to bury my head in the sand until he goes away. I cant believe I have to go and tell someone again what I went through and drag up those emotions to a solicitor. And the facts of course.

He obviously isn't happy in his "new" relationship. Why cant he just ride off into the sunset with her and leave me the hell alone..

OP posts:
Original poster
Ta77Blonde · 11/09/2018 11:58

Ostrich - lol - flamingo!

OP posts:
Original poster
Ta77Blonde · 11/09/2018 11:59

He is literally causing me to lose my mind. My mental health is struggling and Im disgusted hes doing this and having this effect

OP posts:
Saffy101 · 11/09/2018 14:56

Ta77Blonde I am going to PM you.

dirtybadger · 11/09/2018 15:22

Stalling by proxy is a type of harassment. I don't know much more than that but I hope if that (if it continues) that means you have a chance at a legal route to make it stop. Good luck.

Original poster
Ta77Blonde · 11/09/2018 16:39

Well after speaking with my solicitor I feel as if a ton weight was lifted from my chest and my head has become clearer.. I was trying to deal with him all alone and I have to admit I actually couldn't cope.

Please let this be the beginning of the end...
I just want him gone.

OP posts:
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