Narcissist hoovering. Shaken up.

[NC4THIS11]

Afternoon all

So I'm seven years free of an awful abusive sob. It took me moving half way across the country to finally feel safe, I met and made a family with a good non-abusive man and have rebuilt my life. I've been with my current partner 4 years, we have one DD and I'm pregnant with number two.

I've been receiving a lot of unwanted contact from the bastard online lately and despite me blocking account after account, he just keeps making them. I'm not prepared to remove my social media as I have family abroad I keep in touch with and don't want to appear scared. I haven't responded and never do. My social media is as locked down as possible, but he adds my friends therefore if there is a "mutual" friend he can send a message and a request. He's very calculating and computer savvy.

Today's message of a new account is him asking me to call him as soon as possible because 'its extremely urgent'

When he doesn't get a response he turns nasty, I live in fear of what he'll do next every time he gets in touch.

I suppose my question is do these people ever truly leave you alone? I've done a lot of healing since I left but when he does this, it takes me right back

Ive reported it to the police before at DPs insistence but never got anywhere as he never does it in his own name, although we both know its him we can't prove it.

Thanks you lot

I'm gonna make a new account with a non descript photo, different name and hope for the best

The police were useless before and it put me off turning to them again but I will do it, I'll be more insistent this time.

It pisses me off because it took me a long time to heal, only for all the work I've done to go down the toilet pan when he gets in touch

Deffo get legal advice. From a proper solicitor.

How awful for you,

My advice would be change your settings so only your friends can message you or set up a new account and inform your friends it's you (use a different photo and name.) You can also hide your friend list to others.

Keep reporting to the police as you build up a record of his harassment, just in case he tried to turn up or ups his harassment you can prove it's been an ongoing issue with a collection of police logs.

Hopefully he leaves you alone,but glad you have a happy new life!

I'd come off SM altogether for a while , I'm sure your family will understand.

Why are your friends accepting his requests? Do they know its him? Have you told them he is doing it to access your profile through the mutual friends function?

@Anon90
The op has explained all of this. He uses proxy accounts and most people aren’t that vigilant.

Sorry lowtide i thought id read all of the comments but i mustve missed some. I was wondering why no one had asked when i wrote that.

When i had someone doing this i outright told friends that anyone enabling abuse against me was no friend of mine and asked them to be vigilant.

My friends arent the sort to just blindly accept people they dont know though anyway.

I would come off SM then for a bit and set up new ones in a couple of months. SM isnt necessary and altho theres the principle omthat you shouldnt have to, it will give you some breathing space

Anon, OP says “Accounts in my own name with those photos were adding my family and friends”. So he was using old photos he took of the OP, creating a new fake account under her name and then adding her family and friends (who must’ve assumed OP was setting up a new account)

Op pick a real name that is very popular

Sally Taylor
Christine Walker

Just come off social media for a bit and when you go back on it, change your name and profile picture to something random. Have who you're friends with hidden (set to private).

I have a friend who cant use FB for professional reasons but can use Whatsapp because it is more secure. Could you transfer the contacts you need to that?

I've temporarily took down my account for now, another message came through after I posted here and the cheeky bastard had the nerve to say:

"Please call me, its not about us or any cringy call. I just need a familiar voice because I've had some bad news and want to talk about a few things if you could spare a phone call I'd be grateful"

This is a man who has assaulted me for years on end and systematically destroyed every aspect of my life, there was no chance of us ever being civil ever again, he's the only person I've ever hated. The audacity astounds me

Total narc. Jesus. I would get rid of SM to just be rid of him.
Set up a WhatsApp group for your friends n family.

Thankyou taco my phone must be playing up because i couldnt see any of that. It has been struggling loading things as i need a new memory card.

OP definitely get yourself off SM. What an absolute horror he sounds. Vile man.

OP have you heard of Paladin? They are an advocacy service for the victims of stalkers. I've heard good things about them - might be worth contacting them for advice and support

My account is down now, I'm gonna wait a week or so before I decide whether I want to bother setting up another one. I think I'll download WhatsApp and use that like suggested.

Its crap because I have years worth of memories on that account, even after all this time he still manages to inconvenience me.

The audacity and sheer cheek knocks me sick, its as though he has conveniently forgotten putting me through hell

@Thamesis haven't heard of them before but will look them up now.

Something that creeps me out is the amount of effort he goes to in order to make his accounts look genuine. This last one had over 200 friends, workplaces listed, hobbies, pictures with 'likes' on them indicating that people know him.

He's an absolute nut

I’m still of the opinion you would leave the old account just hanging there but don’t have it installed anywhere, it then means it’s a decoy for your ex and he can message but you won’t see the messages as your not logging into the account... he’ll not know you’re not reading the messages either which ultimately means he’s not in control - and won’t even know

No, you don’t remove everyone as the whole point is it’s a dud account - if you remove friends that will alert him

I have no advice but can sympathise in part, although my emotionally abusive and harassing ex hasn't been going for 4 years (yet ).

I'm also having little luck with the police. They were pretty good first time around (although it took weeks for them to decide which police force had jurisdiction before they would do anything), but I reported him again recently and am still waiting for a follow up.

Some counties have a domestic violence division (as an ex, I'm told this situation would qualify) so it might be worth trying that for advice on what your options might be. I think they're online so Google should find yours if there is one, if Paladin aren't helpful.

Good for you for starting a new life, don't let him ruin it for you.

Speaking from experience, yes you just have to accept it. You can't really hide on FB from someone like that. My dad does all of this to me too. Sorry, it sucks.

I had a dud account but somehow he worked it out :/