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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

DH said that didnt want to marry me...

3 replies

Irinn · 10/09/2018 10:48

More than a week ago me and my DH were arguing and in the middle of that he said that it's me who wanted all that (I left everything in my country and moved to London to live here with him and our baby) and that he didnt want to live together or getting married...

*A bit of history: we met in my country, were dating, after he moved back to UK as got better contract, we continued dating, I got pregnant, we married (it wasnt practical or forced decision, he proposed), when our son was 4mo I moved here permanently.

So... saying that was quite offensive and hurting. I left the house after his words and didnt see him till evening. DH sent me a message saying "sorry", after what I blocked him as didnt want to talk at all. When he came back home he didnt say a word like everything is cool and went out with his friend till 3am. On weekend he was out again without saying anything. I took off my engagement and wedding rings, he noticed that and time to time was asking me where my rings and why Im not wearing them...And when Im saying that its because of what he said, he starts to say that it's me who asked him if he wanted to marry me and he meant that he didnt want to marry when I told him that I'm pregnant...I wasnt asking that ever, its the same as to say that I didnt want to get married when just met him...

Its driving me crazy. This arse instead of apologize (text message and "sorry" like "okok, here is my apology, just back off" do not count) makes me guilty in what he said. And this weekend he told me that I have to wear my rings and if I dont want I can leave him a key from apartment...

I dont know what to do with him. And I think that he did mean that as its not the first time he is saying that. :(

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 10/09/2018 10:56

What would separation look like?
Could you stay in this country?
Can you get some legal advice?
I think he's had his head turned.
And he sounds hugely controlling.
Does he have any good points?

Shoxfordian · 10/09/2018 11:09

He doesn't sound very nice to you
Is there anything good about him?

Irinn · 10/09/2018 11:16

@hellsbellsmelons I have no idea how separation can look like, I'm going to contact some solicitors nearest days.
I can stay in country, but wont keen much. I wont be able to handle rent and nursery expenses on my own. And I dont have any family/friends who would help here.

He is controlling and he is manipulator. I guess its called gaslighting (read recently somewhere).

He had a lot of good points when we just started dating, it all faded away when I moved here. So as we are fighting now almost every day, its hard for me to thing about his good sides.

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