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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Friendships

3 replies

Lavenderdays · 10/09/2018 10:20

There was a recent thread on here that I didn't want to hijack about being no-one elses priority. Fortunately, I have a lovely dh and I know that I am high on his priority list but as friendships go, I don't think that I have particularly good ones.
I have had a friend or two who I have thought were brilliant friends, only it came to light that they weren't and I think I was being used in one way or another, then outlived their uses. I know people who I meet up for coffee and can talk to probably every month or so and who aren't part of my life other than these coffee chats.
There was another person who I thought was a friend but when I experienced a bereavement, she was no support at all and made no attempt to support me (she isn't a friend anymore).
There is yet another friend who constantly says she is going to meet up with me but other things become her priority and it doesn't happen for ages
Understandably, family life does get in the way and I probably don't have a huge amount of time to invest in friendships myself but it has dawned on me that other than my dh, I don't really have any other important people in my life (virtually no extended family).
I'm not sure what I'm trying to say, only that this seems really sad and the older I get the more choosy I am about who I want for friends anyway (my self esteem has improved with time). Anyone else feel this way about their friendships - that they know people but don't have any solid friendships/flaky friends and are nobody else's priority when it comes to friendships?

OP posts:
crappyday2018 · 10/09/2018 12:40

I think everyone has friends like that. I have one in particular who demands all my time when things are going bad for her, but then isn't there for me if I need her. I'm seeing a counsellor (about something else) and I'm working on learning to say no.
Thankfully I do have other friends I can rely on and I know would be there for me in a crisis.
Sometimes I think friendships can be like relationships - you don't always get what you want, or are compatible.

NotTheFordType · 10/09/2018 13:21

Yeah - I am very close to my sister and to my bestie but everyone else can fuck off.

Lavenderdays · 10/09/2018 16:52

The school gates cliché has begun (dd has just started school). Personally, I feel okay to be out of the 'core' circle of this cliche, though I always say hello etc. I began to worry today about dd being left out (I heard them planning something for the morning) but then I remembered that by a certain age it isn't who mum is friends with that dictates who she will be friends with x
crappyday...I have received counselling in the past and found it hugely beneficial, would like to receive some now but don't feel I can justify the cost..it's great just to have that space to talk x

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