What would you think of this?

[CanaryWharf]

If your partner asked you if you had been seeing someone else because somebody had told him you were.
Then after further questioning on who this person is and when the story doesn’t add up he admits he’s lying because he suspected you were cheating and wanted to know the truth..... (I’m not by the way!)

I'd think time to end this relationship.

Ummm..he thinks you are cheating - what is there to think about ?

Wow.
Paranoid.
Projecting.
Lying.
Making you feel spied on and scrutinised.
What a betrayal! What to do would be very clear to me. He has too many issues.

I’d be thinking he either has or is thinking about cheating. Did he say why he thought you were?

That is beyond weird.

I'd be ending that relationship as there is no room for that type of game playing in life. What a twat

Is he usually suspicious and paranoid or is this a new thing?

I think he was nervous of raising his concern.

I'd want a full and frank conversation as to why he thought there's an affair, and what the relationship's state of play was.

I don’t think it’s fair to write him off for this tbh. He had a suspicion and he had a reasonably robust way to put it to rest.

Only you can know what might have made him suspicious or whether it’s likely he’s projecting and is in fact cheating himself.

I'd ask him why he suspects that I'm cheating and then do all I can to put his mind at ease. But this would be very unusual for us. I expect that if he was a very jealous person anyway then my reaction would be different.

Reading threads here, this seems to be common in men that are cheating themselves or jealous to the point of abuse. I would be seriously considering the future of this relationship and don't let yourself be controlled by this.

Chances are that he is the one doing the cheating, and he thinks that everyone cheats.
The hills are the way >>>>>>>>

I do t agree , many times on MN women are encouraged to tell men they know more than they actually do in order to get them to confess .

What has caused him to think this ?

thanks for all the responses!
He is a jealous person and we’ve been a bit rocky over the past months which Is why he got anxious. Fair enough if he was concerned but to lie to try and get some kind of confession out of me? Just doesn’t sit right but I wondered if I was being over the top....

My xh did this (I wasn’t) and seems to have used it as some sort of justification for his own midlife manopause

Either way, you need to talk this through deeply as something is not right.

I would immediately think HE is the one cheating. Why are you with him? He sounds horrible. You can do a lot better than this gaslighting, jealous, immature abuser.

Jealous Person in the context of relationships usually means controlling.

I wouldn't put up with someone questioning me or being jealous

IME a person who doesn't trust you or is jealous cannot trust themselves.

You are not being over the top. There is a difference between being anxious and jealous but the common denominator here seems to be his own insecurity. Sadly, insecure men are often the ones who come across the most controlling bastardy ones as the way they show it is different from how an insecure woman may act.
The lying concerns me. There is a fine line between him being doubtful and making up stories and I’d probably have bigger questions around why he is like this and how much you can tolerate him projecting blame onto you.

Thanks everyone... I’ve taken all comments on board! Got some thinking to do....

I would consider whether he is worried that YOU will soon be hearing rumours he has cheated.
Because he has....
So he is putting the gossip mongers are not to be listened to theory out there.

Interesting April ....