how to move on from friend zone

[teaformeandabiccytoo]

I have looked on here for years but never plucked up the courage to write. Please be nice!
I have been friends with this guy for over 2 years. In the first few weeks we had sex once. I didn't play this well and when I had not heard from him a few days after, he had put a post on fb about his ex (he was going through a break up after a few month relationship) which I took about me, and went crazy on him. Oops!
After then there was a month or 2 he went quiet but we built back up to friends- meeting for coffee, chatting etc. I was in a relationship for 15 months which I am now not in (and over!).
We have both in this time gone on dating websites in this time and talked about who we were seeing etc.
Now. When both single we see a lot more of each other, like the last few months. 2 weeks ago we had a few too many tipples and ended up having sex again. This time seems different- he messaged the next day and every day after, and we have seen each other for the last few days (he has not been well and I have gone to help him out).
It seems different but I don't now how to play this. Do I carry on acting as a friend? I want to say 'lets go on a date', but we have reached the friend zone and I don't want to risk losing my friend if he says no. I don't want to randomly have sex when we get drunk. How can I get out of the friend zone to something more?

It may be safer to resolve to stay in the friend zone (ie no more drunken sex) unless you'd be happy with a FWB setup. That way, you have a clearer idea if you're on the same page relationship wise - pull back a little to create some space that he can step into if he's interested.

this is it, I don't want FWB.
How do I pull back without backing off completely? We have times we don't speak for a while (usually when 1 or other is dating someone else). If I back off he will think it is normal and that I have started seeing someone else.

I don't think you're in the friend zone if you're having sex. You're either in the FWB zone or the moving toward a relationship zone.

Having said that though I really like this article about it all. Not that I've ever made it work, mind

www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201112/escape-the-friend-zone-friend-girlfriend-or-boyfriend

Similar situation to you... ongoing for 5 years! This time round I suggested a fwb type thing although we don't discuss what we have in depth as I don't feel the need to it's nice & this time round different (better) than before.. first few meetings were just nights in & sex which was fine, I did think it would be nice to go out so I just said shall we pop out for some dinner & we did.. also been to a party as a couple & he's asked me to plus one a couple of events.. we have I think just naturally fallen into a couple.. we are both still on dating sites but I don't check my messages or wouldn't want to see anyone else he said the same... it's nice & relaxed, I'm more secure & confident about myself now so it's working.. my advice is don't overthink things just ask him if he'd like to go for dinner or see a film you want to see & if it's meant to be it will fall into place.. he may well be thinking the same as you

Dilly, we do that anyway! We go out, go to lunches, have met his friends and went to dinner at their house etc
It feels in limbo! Not fwb (we have had sex twice in 2 years), not kinda a relationship.....just 2 friends who spend a lot of time together when single!
You are right however....I am overthinking it

Limbo is a horrible place to be & life's too short to wait around (says the person who waited around for 5 years)! 🙈..

Just go for it... ask him where you stand.. I know you don't want to lose the friendship but ultimately you might do at some point anyway.. tell him what you want from him & if he's not feeling the same then you pick yourself up & move on.

I don't want to risk losing my friend if he says no

You're risking losing your friend anyway, by having sex with each other and not talking about what you both want.

If we had sex more then I would be speaking to him, but it has been twice. 2 years apart! If I ask him now I come across a bunny boiler.
So I guess it either happens again and I can ask him, or it doesn't and we stay in the friend zone :-(

It's not "bunny boiler" to tell him where you would like to be and ask where he would like to be.

Who has convinced you that having an honest conversation is somehow comparable to being the villain in a misogynistic film?

Normal non-bunny boiling people talk about things with their friends, and also talk about things with the people they want to have sex with, and also talk about things with the people they want to have relationships with.

OP, I'm a man, and trust me, you are not in the friend zone! Men don't have sex with female friends and go back to just being friends after.

You've said yourself that it felt different this time. The extra messages after were probably his attempt to explore if you wanted something more. But if you haven't given a positive signal of that, then he may think you believe it was a mistake. So just talk to him and say you'd like to date.

And no, you won't come across as a bunny boiler. It'll be flattering to your 'friend'