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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Don't know what to do next

2 replies

Notfrom · 09/09/2018 23:50

Feeling very confused. Had a hellish few months of getting more and more unhappy with DH and the silent treatment, ending in a few very big arguments as I told him that something had to change. I moved into the spare room about 6 weeks ago and things calmed down to politeness but little communication. Started to talk seriously about divorce.

Things have changed in the last couple of weeks. He still says he doesn't recognise the bad tempered person I described but he wants me to be happy. Asked if I trust him to try to make me happy and if I love him. Said I should decide what I want so we could start separating finances if we were heading for divorce. He pressed me to decide so I told him I want us to try to make it work (25 year relationship) and we have agreed to slowly try to rebuild. No one else involved for either of us so surely things should be simple?

Problem is that I think it might be too late for me. I had started to imagine a life alone (after dcs leave home in a couple of years) and it felt good. I'm not feeling any physical attraction and don't know if it will come back. I know I should try to save my marriage and he does really seem to be trying but I just feel empty. I also feel very guilty at possibly causing him so much hurt, although we only got here because I was so unhappy for so long with his moods and silences. I was also very fed up with doing everything at home, which has changed a bit as I'm asking late teen dcs to do more and dh is doing a bit more for himself.

So shouldn't I be glad things are changing? Instead I either feel numb or scared. It feels like I'm going slightly mad. I asked for changes and things seem to be changing but I'm still unhappy. Anyone else been in this situation and saved the relationship?

OP posts:
Rebecca36 · 10/09/2018 00:06

You say your children will have left in a couple of years. Don't make any decisions until then, you may feel differently when it's just the two of you. If you're still not happy then go for it, you've certainly tried to make it work.

InternalGangsta · 10/09/2018 08:45

Have you considered couple counselling as a safe place for you both to explore what's going on?

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