I know I prob shouldn't but into my DB's life, but we've v v close as a family (and hear me out)
DB has pretty much been with SIL (DP live in partner thingy) for the last 7 years DB is 27. for the last year they've been living together in a house they own jointly. he has cheated on SIL (and gave her an STI as well - git he knows damn well he was wrong with that I posted on that at the time I think??) SIL slapped him etc anyhow they were manageing to patch things up, but obv SIL is still insecure. DB confided in DH which caused issues between DH/I as DH didn't tell me, anyhow.
for the last 2-3 months ish DB has felt unhappy within the relationship, he's told SIL he's leaving her once already but within the week went back to her. I told DB this is v v unfair on SIL as tbh she doesn't know if she's coming or going with him - i've tried to be nice about this and said if you want to end it end it cos it's not fair to keep her on a string but he's dithering all the time. (althou apparently today he's asked her to ring for an estate agent to gome and value the house.
anyhow. prior to those to moving in together they had a long distance weekend relationship (yes for 6 years! lol) I think (and it's only a think) he's cheated on her during that time as well - but DH won't confirm anything to me weither way althou I know DB will have told DH. the main reason they moved in together was DB's insistance that he wanted a committment then when he got it it's almost as if he's scared now.
I know he wants children which is again c ausing issues as SIL has epliepsy (sp) with v v strong tablets. and apparently her children will be at risk - prior to them moving intogether DB claimed he didn't care aboutt eh children, however I think since my DS has come along his view has shifted somewhat
I know they're having terrible money probs and can't always afford all the bills, esp with the bank charges etc. and is often asking mum for a helping hand, i've tried talking thru our budgeting tiips etc and they don't live a 'lavish' lifestyle partying etc all the time, but SIL works in the city and the train fare alone is nearly £300p/m.
I think contributing factores are SIL's mum/dad esp mum, who pretty much takes over everything (DB has mentioned several times when she's come intot he house and claimed to ahve a sharte in it as they helped out wiht a deposit) and painted the rooms colours she likes with DB doesn't - little things he'd like to do himself. iycwim. SIL also stopps in the city with her mum when she works nights - she's normally there at least 2 nights p/w at the moinute I think.
I know it's 6's and 7's as beleive me SIL is a lovely girl and god only knows how she puts up with DB but I still feel that DB should either stop it all or committ fully. how can I get him to understand he's really not being fair to either of them SIL esp, the poor girl is verging on depressed tbh, and as I understand being bullied at work. we dopnt' live v close, and SIL and I don't have a particually close relationship but obv DB is being a bit of a shite to her. iycwim.
ooh and to add insult to injury apparently ther's another girl 'after' him - which i've told him he should tell the woman to back off cos hes' with SIL, but he just said