I posted recently about how my depression has driven BF away. For context, we’ve been together 4 years. He’s a great guy and I would say this is by far the most respectful and healthy relationship I’ve been in. Until now, I have been able to trust him completely, something I never thought possible having exclusively dated serial cheats and abusers before.
However, things have changed suddenly. A couple of months or so ago, he kept making excuses to go out when usually he’d spend most of his time with me. Eventually he said he wanted some time apart to think about things. When we discussed it, he said he couldn’t cope with my depression, it was making him depressed. Later he said he hoped the time apart would make me realise what we have. He also says things like he doesn’t want us to break up, wants things to go back to how they were before (my depression) etc. But he also says he wants things to change and still makes excuses not to see me or cancels our plans. He’s also messaging a lot less frequently when he’s usually really good at keeping in touch and general chit chat throughout the day if we’re apart.
I’m really upset by what feels like a personality transplant. I suppose he feels the same way about me. He says he’s felt like this for a couple of years but if that’s true, he hid it well. I know I’ve been difficult to live with in that I’m quite pessimistic but I don’t take things out on him. He claims I am always distant but sometimes I feel like he’s too demanding of my time and attention.
I’m angry at him for messing me about as it feels very much like mixed signals. I would never have thought he’d do anything like this until the last month. I really love him but I don’t like things being unresolved and I’m struggling with not knowing where I stand or what’s going to happen. So far I’ve given him the space he has asked for but it feels like he is taking advantage of this now. It also feels like the onus is on me to snap out of my depression or act happier which isn’t easy when I have this hanging over me and it feels really unfair! It’s really not helping my mental health.
Right now I feel like ending things just so I have that closure but don’t want to throw away a good relationship if we can get back there with some work. I don’t want to be taken for a ride but I worry I’ll regret it.
I’m terrible at making decisions at the best of times but even more so with depression. Can anyone help give some perspective so I can evaluate things better please?