1 year on from d day....

[Affairrecoveryishard]

It’s nearly one year since d day. It seems like a lifetime yet it also seems like it happened yesterday.

He had a 9 month affair, confessed, I kicked him out initially but we’ve been working at reconciliation and in the last couple of months has moved back in.

It’s hard. Really fucking hard. Some days are great and due to the counselling we’ve had we communicate better than we have for years. Sex is great. The kids are happy. I wouldn’t say I’m happy but I’m not unhappy either.

But then some days like today it all gets too much. Something triggers me and my world comes crashing down and I get upset. I’m finding it hard to let go of the hurt he caused. I’m finding it hard to forgive.

I don’t really know what I want from this post except a bit of support that I’m not mad. That I’m not awful for not trusting him or having forgotten it yet.

I have loads of friends but find it difficult to talk to them and sometimes it’s just nice to speak to others who truly get it and who have been through it.

How understanding is he when you have these down days.
And I bet he’s very happy the sex is great and you’ve bottled it all up enough to post on a random internet site, instead of bothering him with it.
But only you know your relationship deeply down.

Thanks for responding . He’s pretty understanding to be fair but he just doesn’t really get it. I don’t think anyone can unless they’ve experienced it. He thinks a year on I should be looking forward not back

Well you may have forgiven but how can you forget? I would need to split because it would be absolute mental torture for me for the rest of my days. That’s no life to lead for someone else’s mistakes.

Of course he doesn’t get it. One year is nothing
But he either confessed or you found out, so it’s all off his chest now, slate wiped. Ready to up and at it, a new day etc.

How do you think he would react if it were the other way round?

www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5042_qa.html

I read this book. It's for cheaters to see the impact it has on their spouse.

Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/0757319211/ref=cmswwrcppapi_-AzLBbFGA0YJS

To be honest, I tried my best to do it but it was never the same.

We’ve split permanently now. With hindsight I’d never have taken him back.

If you are going to stay together, try balancing the scales.
Have your own affair.
Not everyone will agree with me but hey ho.