Was this weird? Dont know what to think.

[Justanotheranon]

Nc for this post as I dont want it linked to me.

This isnt anything that happened recently it was around a year and a half or so. But was looking for some perspective as it plays on my mind sometimes. Around a year and a half ago I was with my ex and heavily pregnant and I would wake up to him having sex with me. This seemed to happen frequently during my pregnancy. Its like he seemed to wait till I fell asleep as we would be sitting up in bed talking for ages and he wouldnt initiate anything then I would fall asleep and wake up to him having sex with me. When I told my friends they all seemed horrified, I did think it was weird and wondered why he did it but never mentioned it to him. Was it weird?

Unless you consented or were ok with it, sounds like rape to me. I’m sorry.

I think it was, strictly speaking, rape. Broadly speaking, grim grubby behaviour. You is well rid!!!!

Odd!

Thats what my friends said but I dont know if I would go as far as saying it was?? I dont have any intentions of reporting it or anything and we never spoke about it, I found it awkward tbh and didnt understand why he did it.

Not that any reason would be valid, but have you any idea why he would do this? It's just so odd. Or was sex off the "menu" at this stage of pregnancy? Either way, it is rape.

The weirdest thing is I have an extremely high sex drive and never didnt consent to sex whilst awake with him, He knew I would have been up for it whilst awake maybe thats why he thought it was ok?? with the previous pregnancies we had sex all the way up until I gave birth, but like I said it seemed he would purposely wait till I was asleep.

There is a 'sleeping woman' sex fetish thing and and a similar nonchalant fetish where they read a book while having sex. Its all a bit grubby.

If you're asleep, you can't consent, therefore it's rape. He's a disgusting specimen.

Yep, it's rape. But sometimes it's hard to recognise it as that if you're not scared; didn't technically say "no"; there was no violence etc...

But it was rape.

Definitely rape so yes it’s definitely weird.

horrible. :-/

I really struggle to see it as rape which is why I asked for opinions. I would have consented if I was awake, feeling very conflicted.

Not only was it rape - and repeated rape - but he was denying you a fulfilling sex life, too.

I'm really glad he's your ex.

Consenting on a previous occasion isn’t an open invitation to presume consent on every other occasion.

He didn't ask you. You didn't say yes. It wasn't with your consent. Agree with others that it was rape. Sorry OP. Obviously didn't distress you at the time. That's odd too.

You don't seem very upset about it, did it upset you at the time? It's obviously a fetish for him and it seems like he knew you well enough to have "presumed consent" - had you discussed fantasies like this before?

Sometimes people are so ground down by their partners that they become hardened to the abuse and don't respond in the way they might have otherwise. It's interesting that it's now that she's free from this guy that the OP is thinking about this more clearly.

Hm, as PPs have said, this sounds pretty unethical to me! How much did you sleep through before you realised?? The fumbling about round my crotch would have woken me up long before anything, ahem, invasive started happening, but maybe I'm a light sleeper...

I definitely dont feel sad about it, he was abusive other than this I guess I just brushed it off as “normal” like waking a partner up with sex as I know that its not unheard of. It was the waiting till I was asleep which got me as it wasnt like he was waking me in the morning, More pretty much as soon as I fell asleep. We definitely didnt discuss it beforehand and he only started doing it towards the end of our relationship (never in the 5 years previous)

I would wake up pretty much straight away but just lay there and let him, The first time I was too shocked to say anything but after that I just felt awkward.

I would always sleep on my side so maybe he just came round to whatever side I was on, I do remember clearly sleeping facing him one night then waking up in the other direction so he maybe just waited till I turned over, Tmi but I never slept with underwear on, never have done tbh.

It's called "somnophilia", you might find this an interesting read: www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/in-excess/201402/doze-were-the-days

I would have consented if I was awake, feeling very conflicted.

I understand that. But you didn't consent and that's the difference. You couldn't. You were asleep.