Reporting abuse

[scaredofex]

NC.
My husband had an affair and left 5 years ago. Since then I've come to know via Mumsnet and lots of reading about relationships that all the things he did during our relationship are classed as abuse. After he left his only way of abusing me was emotionally and financially by threatening to withhold child maintenance although he once tried to hurt me physically when pregnant and attacked my house. The police were informed and I ended up applying for a non-molestation order which became an undertaking.
It is only recently that I've realised he coerced me into sex on a regular basis and it makes me feel sick. I also remembered how he'd admitted to groping my breasts on several occasions when I was asleep. Is it worth reporting this even though it was years ago and I don't know any dates, just that it was during our marriage? Is coercion taken seriously?
He is currently threatening court with regards to the children (his favourite way of continuing the emotional abuse) he is now emotionally abusing. My solicitor is preparing a court application to get his contact changed due to this. We are still married as the divorce has not been granted yet as my husband has delayed the process at every turn.

Is there any point in reporting this?

Anyone?

Coercion is taken very seriously these days. It might be difficult but could you try to write down as many details as you can remember, try and figure out dates etc. Go back thru old text messages, emails, social media to see if anything triggers a memory? The more info you have the better.

Thank you. I don't have any dates at all and no old texts. I know the date of when he unlocked the bathroom door and took a photo of me in just my knickers and sent it to my friend but that's the only date I'd have. Unless I'd been drinking enough to suppress the revulsion he caused me, he coerced me 90% of the time after our second child.

It's probably not worth doing after all this time and he'd just claim it was me being malicious.

Reported it, did a video interview, was told by the police that they would speak to my ex and several witnesses. Since then they've told me nothing meets the criteria for any crime. So not only can your husband coerce you into sex every few weeks, sexually abuse you, emotional abuse you and use coercive control on a regular basis but the police will do nothing about it.

I'm really sorry you've been through such a traumatic time @scared. Unfortunately your complaint will not be pursued due to a lack of evidence. The CPS cannot prosecute where there is not a reasonable prospect of success, and with no evidence there's no chance he would be found guilty. That's not to say that you are not believed, please don't think that.

They didn't actually do anything though. Didn't speak to anyone, nothing. They lied about what they would do and how they would help and he's free to carry on being abusive whilst I live in fear.

Coersive control only became a crime a few years ago. Is that possibly the reason why there is nothing they can do?

I'm sorry you can't get anywhere with this but I hope court helps sort contact. Is the case due to be heard soon?

The case was heard regarding the children and his application dismissed.

The coercive control has been ongoing for years and plenty of occasions that can all be proven. Seems like they just can't be arsed.