Has anyone moved in with a partner through necessity?

[itwasadarkandstormy]

Just this really. The necessity is his, not mine. I'm ambivalent to this but he has always Ben very good to me financially and I feel slightly that it's my turn to reciprocate.

But would I have chosen this? Not now anyway. Just curious how many have been in this position, and how it's worked out for you.

I'm 3 weeks into necessary cohabitation and I must say, it's much better than I thought! However, it's only because I'm temporarily homeless due to a delayed house build so is time limited.

It's not what either of us anticipated or expected and there's 5 of us in a 2 bed Terrace. But as I said it has been more positive than I thought it would be.

What are your circumstances?

Interesting! Glad it's positive.....

Circumstances are that BF has to move out of his house, as he is cash strapped at the moment. As I said, he has helped me out financially in the past so it's my turn...

My partner started off as a friend who became my lodger. 5 years on 1 dd and another on the way!!

He was being made homeless as his landlord was selling up.

I was anxious about a lodger but after a couple of months I really fell for him.

Yeah I did this and it wasn't a good idea. Wish I hadn't.

Do you have kids?

How long have you been together? Does it feel too soon in that respect as I think it should be something that you like/want , but it doesn’t sound as if you do? X

Yes. I have a DS that I share with the boarding house and exH

We have been together 2.5 years

Could you discuss with him first how long it will be for and some mutual agreement about finances, chores etc if you decide you will help him out? This might alleviate some anxieties and also then there's an understanding it's not forever or at his convenience only.

I don't think it's about chores or money is more about.....my space

It might not be about chores or money right now but it will be. If you're going to do it, agree everything now.

If you're not sure, don't do it. There must be an alternative

I moved in with a guy once only because the rental flat I was supposed to move into fell through leaving me with no where to live. It didn't work out because I wasn't ready to live with him and I felt like I had no control over the situation. 3 months later I moved out and soon after he became an ex.

I lived with Dp for 4 weeks due to my house being sold and and purchasing a new one.

It was great. We were both gutted when it was over. But I am glad we are living separately for the time being.

It's hard. I want to live with him and share our lives completely. But I also know it's too soon. We had only been a couple for a few months when I moved in with him.

I suppose that I think 'we'll, if it doesn't work out then he just moves out'. Well, thAt is the case but I know it isn't as simple as that.

Thank you for your stories

We are 2.5 years in too. He already owns this house and I've bought a house and we were happy like that but now we have both said that living together has been so lovely, it will be a wrench when we go.

I think he's really enjoyed family life tbh, more than he thought he would

How has he financially helped you in the past?
If he's strapped for cash how is he going to pay his share of rent and bills and food? Does he work? I'd be worried he might become a cocklodger that you then can't get rid of if need be. My ex was very generous to me then slowly I realised he was getting me to pay for lots of things, staying at mine a few nights a week, getting his meals cooked and washing done. I felt I couldn't say anything to him because he'd previously been so generous and seemed so nice. He was actually an abusive tightarse who had played generous and nice to get me where he wanted me. I hope your bloke isn't the same but I hear alarm bells here.

I have been thinking long and hard about your post wankee but no, he has not been doing this. He has been burying his head in the sand and it’s crunch time. I’ve had one cocklodger so I’m sensitive to it amyway

I ended up moving in with my now Dh in somewhat similar circumstances.

It made financial sense but he was somewhat worried about how it would impact our relationship - he had never lived with anybody else since leaving home and was very much used to his own space... He had been something of a perpetual bachelor before and was late thirties when I moved in.

I must admit when I first moved in I was very conscious about not spending every moment of the day together and having some nights a week where we did our own thing. I think communication is key here - what do you each need to make it work?

Fwiw we are twelve years down the line now and very much like every other couple....

An ex of mine moved in with me because he lost his job (again!) so it was for financial reasons. I felt bad for him and let him live with me and expected no £ from from him whatsoever. He had never supported me previously but I loved him so naturally propped him up (as I had done so many times).

It wasn’t easy, he’s very messy and untidy and would spend the day in the house job searching and doing nothing else, not even empty the dishwasher. I became resentful quite quickly having to come home and cook and clean whilst his response was “I’ve spent all day job hunting”.

Set expectations first.

God, he is messy....