Hi, I need some advice.
My XH and I have been seperated for 11 years and we have 2 daughters aged 13 and 11.
The girls have always seen their dad every other weekend and for holidays. I have never withdrawn access apart from when he attempted to drive them in his car when he had just had an epileptic attack. I know its important for them to see him, however over the last couple of years my daughters are being more and more reticent to see him. My eldest daughter in particular is very vocal about this.
The problem is what she tells me rings alarm bells - she talks of behaviour I am only to familiar with having lived with him for a number of years - excessive drinking, violent behaviour when drunk, making inappropriate comment about her developing body, slagging off me, my husband and his family even though he has never met them, being over clingy to the girls, sulking if they don't do what he wants and refusing to talk to them, arguing with his partner (for reference, his partner is a man).
It all came to a head when he took them on holiday for 2 weeks in the summer. My daughters called me every day in tears. They were being left alone in the hotel room for hours at a time, especially in the evenings, him and his partner were returning drunk and their dad would then lay on top of them in their beds. He let them drink alcohol and told them that they were allowed to get drunk with him and then didn't remember it the next morning. Of course I contacted both him and his partner stating that their behaviour was unacceptable and a huge row ensued. My daughters phoned me in floods of tears saying that they were being called "fucking liers and bitches" and that the partner had pushed them to stop them from leaving the room.
On return they told me they no longer wanted to have anything to do with him. We have had a couple of weeks for things to calm down but they are still saying they don't want to see him at all but I have talked to them and suggested that maybe a way forward is to see him just on a Sunday for a catch up in the hope alcohol won't be involved.
They text him to say that moving forward they would only be coming on a sunday from now on and today his partner has sent me a lengthy text saying children of their age shouldn't be deciding and that they have massively upset their dad and how they went about telling him was cowardly and that he will be having words with them when he sees them.
My daughters have said the partner scared them on holiday and don't want to now go this Sunday and so I have suggested that we withdraw access this weekend to allow things to calm down and that I will speak to their dad next week.
I think I need to speak to a solicitor
I find talking to their dad really hard, he emotionally abused me for years and is a complete bully and I have just undergone surgery for cancer and am not feeling very strong.
I am scared that if anything happens to me that the girls will have to live with him full time, despite having never really lived with him. They love their Step Dad and have 2 brothers.
Sorry for such a long, complicated post but where do you think I stand?
Should I just suggest mediation?
Can my daughters be forced to see him?
HELP!!