Dp and I have been together 18 months .
He's 43 with no dc and I'm 47 with 2 dc .
Obv everyone comes with some baggage at our age .
On the plus side we haven't gone one single day without seeing each other or talking on the phone since our first date .
We have shared values and well matched attraction.
I've now divorced and was 2 years dingle after very long marriage ) prior to meeting him and now bought my own house. Managing a career and parenthood ( just about tho its knackering but I'm doing it ) .
He lives an hour away and recently bought out his ex ( prob about May ) .
They had been separated a year and she's moved out 6 months before we met . So all in all she's been gone completely 2 years and engaged to someone else now .
He told me soon after we became more serious that he suffered with depression . He went back on tabs about 6 months into our relationship and he was like a different person to the more needy over excited new boyfriend io had met . He became almost oblivious to emotion and it has affected out sex life . Not much but a little .
It's been 9 months now since he's been back on them and during this 9 maths a couple of things have happened .
It's become apparent he has bulimia and purges . He's aware I know and has been doing it for 25 or more years . He agreed we'd see the GP together and he'd give CBT a go .
The week we were going to make he appt his mother had a stroke .
She lives 200 miles away .
Ever since then he's been driving there every weekend to help out .
Both his siblings live abroad .
I now often go with him as agreed this could come between us as we live an hour apart ourselves . So I've got to know his parents quite quickly as spending many weekends in their home . They are delightful people and very welcoming .
So GP appt was put on hold .
Now his dog is terminally ill . He'll have only week and will prob have to make the decision to have him put to sleep soon . He's in bits .
They are like soul mates . His dog is 14 so had a good life but it's been a tragically quick diagnosis and being told he's way past treatment .
It's like the final straw for him . He's gone into a black hole .
I am being a a supportive as I can with practical stuff .Im driving to him and booking when I can . He just wants to spend the entire weekend in bed with his dog . He doesn't want to go anywhere yet when his parents call he's driven 200 miles to unblock a drain for them . It never occurred to him to factor seeing me in because I have the children or pay a plumber ( his parents are able to afford ).
I'm beginning to feel drained .
I did tell him a few weeks ago that he's known all along I come as part of a package with 2 dc who really would like to get to know him more .
He agreed and has always been true to his word but I realised we always do stuff when it's my weekend without the dc and actually now after 18 months I should be taking them over to his place with me when it's my weekend to have them .
He'd never think to take me to his folks when I have them and his folks have a huge house and love children .
It's honestly because he wouldn't want to put any more work on his parents I know as he goes to help but he's making no effort to spend time with my dc .
My dc adore him and he's really good with them when they're together but his depression seems to make everything such hard work .
It's like he's detached .
The last thing he needs now is me making demands and I feel selfish for asking for his time but I feel like I'm putting him first all the time but he doesn't seem to try and put us first much now .
I told him last night I'd had enough and couldn't carry on like this and he didn't even respond . He fell asleep at his parents . Probably exhausted i know .
He says he loves me but I'm sad that he was happy to just let it go if that's what I wanted . He said he repeated my wish to not be around him while he's in such a bad place .
I feel like I'm behaving like a spoilt child plying for his attention when I should be the one providing consistent living care at this really hard point in his life .
He's said this morning he loves me lots but feels really depressed and thinks he should up his medication .
I'm a health professional and try and give him the support I can but I honestly think he needs to address the underlying cause and access counselling not double his medication and detach from life even more .
He seems uninterested in us and I feel like if I walked away now he would make no effort to save our relationship .
I wouldn't honestly do this because I know that it's exacerbated by his parents health and now his dog . But when his dog dies I don't know how he'll cope .
I miss the man I met .
He never talks about our future any more just says he needs to sort himself out before becoming a burden to anyone else .
I love him so much but feel like I'm handling it all wrong through sheer panic .
I've tried the sit back and just be there approach and that seemed to work but there's only so many months you can give your everything in a relationship without feeling drained .
Sorry so long just so wanted to write it all down .
I love him and will do whatever to make this work it's just so hard seeing him so sad x