Really just want this off my chest - not really an advise issue...

[justgettingoffmychest]

I can't stop thinking about my friend (well not really a friend anymore - not seen him in 2 years!).

I met him a bit before I got pregnant with my youngest. Lovely guy, we got on really well. We kept in contact after I left work, met up for lunch with DC etc.

Teensy crush on him , would never ever do anything, just always an "if something happened to DH..." kind of thing.

Every now and then I have dreams about him, and it stirs it all up.

We drifted apart (mainly as I became a mum and forgot how to be me ), and haven't seen him properly in ages.

I miss him Had another dream, and now can't stop wondering what he's up to (not in an "I must run away with him and have his babies" kind of way, just in a missing chats kind of way).

I don't really know why I'm writing, just normally one of those things where if you write it all out it seems much less iyswim.

I think that the missing is more missing my old life, the friends I had before I forgot me

having a baby can really make you lose yourself. i suggest you organise some time off where you can do exactly the sort of thing you used to do sans dc's. go for a coffee etc.

absolutely DON"T contact friend! but enjoy the dreams

I've stalked all 4 of my major exboyfriends since having kids! I've even forced 2 of them to come and meet me and a child or two. Think it was more about 'look at me, look what you couldn't have, do you get it yet?' kinda-thing.
You will get over it, I was thinking about one of them today and how much pure fun we used to have but that's just not sustainable, it's just not real life. There's a reason you got with your DP, a reason you had kids with him not DF, hold on to that because that is what lasts and is important.
But that's no reason why you shouldn't go out and get a life, esp as DC get older.

I don't think he ever had any interest in me other than friendship, so def not running off with him.

I've started remembering who I was/am and I think its because I'm starting to be me again that its making me want what I've lost.

I love my DC to bits, don't get me wrong, but the first one wasn't exactly planned, and sometimes I get the whole this wasn't what my life was meant to be kind of feeling.

Just mopey

lmao @ stalking your exes Buckets

You haven't lost anything! You've gone through an intense period of activity and now you are able to step back and see what you've learnt, learn a bit more about who you are as a grownup (even if you're in your 40s!). Soon you'll be able to channel it into getting the most out of the rest of your life, sometimes with your family, sometimes without. The future's so bright you gotta wear shades...