Hi everyone
I was on holiday in a rented house last week and, on the last day, the man who lived in an annex on site and looked after the pool and the maintenance, did some things that have left me in a spin.
Basically, after a week of chatting and being appropriately boundaried, he got very drunk in the afternoon and started flirting and then, when I tried to leave, he went to hug me saying he’d miss us when we left.
Once he’d got hold of me, he was pulling my face round to his, trying to kiss my mouth. I kept saying no and I was kind-of struggling. He wouldn’t let go and he had hold of my face trying to get me in the right position. His mouth was all over my face. I could smell his breath.
After a moment, I pulled backwards and stumbled and that broke his grip. I went inside the villa where my young kids were.
He followed me in and made himself coffee. My (female) partner arrived back and I told her subtly what had happened. He left the house and we locked the doors. My partner needed to go and get something from the shop and I said I’d be fine. A few seconds after she left, there was a knock at the door and I thought it was her but, when I opened the door, it was him asking for a mixer for his whisky. I let him get something from the kitchen and again locked him out.
About ten minutes later, he came back. I said to the kids “he’s a bit drunk, let’s leave him to it” but the kids were asking why we weren’t answering the door and I didn’t know what to say without scaring them and I was scared to upset him or make him angry given that he had his own keys and my partner was out and would have to pass him to get in.
So I let him in again. This time he wanted me to fetch something from upstairs. I knew, if I did he would rape me. I said no three times and told him to get it himself. He walked towards the stairs saying “come with me”. I said no.
He left the house and i locked the doors. My partner came back and we tried to be normal for the kids. We discussed whether we should go to a hotel but it was late and we’d have to pass him to leave. We locked the doors with the keys in the locks and checked all the windows.
Then he started sending messages (including texts, voice recordings and photos) saying “I am lonely” and “speak with me” and “where you go?” He sent eighteen messages over the next six hours. I didn’t respond to any.
The next morning, we left for our flight. We saw him on the way out. We did a cursory goodbye and i kept my physical distance.
Back in the UK we told the owner who was great about it.
So now I feel upset and tearful. Lots of people have said “you should have kicked him in the balls” which is all very well if you manage to land the kick, but if I’d tried and missed, he could have gone to town on me. I was trying to de-escalate the situation because I was alone with the kids. And, do you know what? I fucking decided that I’d do whatever I had to to get him not to hurt us. I was literally weighing it up and decided I’d go through with it if I had to.
I feel tearful and wobbled. But I also feel like people go through so, so much worse. Not everyone’s story ends well and, it was “only” a kiss. I don’t know what I’m asking or what I need to hear.
And thoughts or advice are welcome.
Thanks.