Saying hurtful things but saying someone else said it.

[TravelAndAdventure]

My dad would say things to me like "Your mum wanted you aborted" in order to hurt me, but then sit back and say he hadn't done anything wrong by saying that.

Is there a name for this kind of tactic? My manager at work does a similar thing, she will say that the admin staff always say "all the mothers who work here are pisstakers" when she knows I hardly ever ask for any shift swaps etc (the blokes ask for a lot more than I do).

its like they want to see the wounded look cross your face but you can't say anything back to them!

It's called being a bit of a cunt.

Ha! I know.
But I've learned about all these things on MN (gaslighting, negging etc) and I thought it might have a name!

As stated ^^

It's also passive-aggressive because the person does not own their negative views and shifts the responsibility onto a third party. But the aim is to hurt you by letting you know they don't like you or your behaviour.

I would reply, 'It's just as bad to repeat it!'.

Gas lightning

My dad would say things to me like "Your mum wanted you aborted" in order to hurt me, but then sit back and say he hadn't done anything wrong by saying that.

"Did you want me aborted too Dad? Is that why you're telling me this?"

"Oh OK - as long as you wanted me" (sorry don't know if you are still in contact with your Mum).

My manager at work ... will say that the admin staff always say "all the mothers who work here are pisstakers"

"Do you think I'm a pisstaker?"

That's OK then - you know me better (or whatever).

If they say yes though that's different - would they be likely to say yes do you think?

Twatism.
Cure is nc.

I think it’s passive aggressive.

Passive aggressive. Google it and read up on some articles about it, there’s loads and advice on how to react when someone behaves like this x

My mum has done this too. She announced to me once that I was an idiot breeding idiots. I was married & pregnant with my second. When I called her on it she said “I didn’t say that X. did” It’s the behaviour of an arse. They do mean to be hurtful but they’re so gutless they need to stand behind someone else to do it.